By: Kelly Anderson
Updated: June 3, 2020
Originally Published: April 4, 2015
When my daughter’s riding instructor calls on a Tuesday morning, I brace myself for bad news. Sarah, who typically communicates via text, begins with a somber tone. “Lily had an accident. She fell from the horse,” she states. “Her arm… it’s broken.”
Inside, I feel crushed. Summer vacation had just begun, and our financial situation was tight, leaving little room for extravagant plans. My husband and I had agreed that our 8-year-old should have something memorable to look back on. So, we decided to enroll her in a week of pony camp at the stables where she had been riding weekly for the past ten months. We thought it would be a delightful experience filled with joy and friendship.
We were mistaken.
As I navigate the winding back roads towards my whimpering girl, I reflect on our carefree conversation from just two hours before. Lily and her friend, Emma, were in the backseat, radiating excitement on their way to spend the day with “their” ponies. The windows were down, and they squealed with delight, stretching their arms into the rushing breeze.
“Arms in,” I had cautioned, trying to balance authority with understanding. “If your arm hits a branch, it could break. And wouldn’t it be terrible to have a broken arm at the start of summer vacation? You wouldn’t be able to ride! You wouldn’t be able to swim!”
Did I really say that?
As I pull into the stable, I spot a group of girls huddled near the barn. They immediately point me toward the house across the driveway, where I find Lily lying on the couch with an ice pack beside her injured arm, another camper’s mother tending to her.
“My arm hurts,” Lily whispers when she sees me.
Later, when asked if she knew right away that her arm was broken, she nods. “It looked like I had two elbows,” she explains.
The next eight hours are filled with pain, waiting, and disbelief. A woman at the hospital registration desk suggests I bring Lily’s social security card on our next visit for easier access to her records. Lily only cries when she realizes she will need an IV, a needle inserted into her good arm, to administer the sedative for casting her arm. I feel a wave of anxiety when I learn that the doctors will need to fully break one of the fractured bones in her forearm to set it correctly and avoid surgery. In that moment, I leave the room.
Lily has always preferred animals over toys. As she has grown, her passion for live creatures has only intensified. When she started riding, I was both excited and apprehensive. Her first pony camp the previous summer went without incident, and most of her lessons over the past year had been similarly uneventful. I looked for signs of fear in other parents, but instead, they seemed calm, occasionally checking their phones during lessons. One mother mentioned stopping riding as an adult after a horse threw her off.
“They sense fear,” she said. “It’s better to learn when you’re young and fearless.”
There are undeniable benefits to riding: It promotes outdoor activity, teaches responsibility, and fosters focus. I appreciate that Lily has a hobby distinct from school. I envision her, a few years from now, brushing a waiting horse, disconnected from social pressures and finding solace in the act of riding.
Thus, I ignore the risks. I push aside thoughts of equestrian accidents and focus on the positives. But injuries happen. A week and a half after winning a ribbon at her first horse show, just an hour into her second day at pony camp, Lily’s foot slips from the stirrup, she loses her balance, and falls, fracturing her right forearm in two places.
Thankfully, Lily is one of those who heal well.
That summer, the second question everyone asks when they see her purple cast (the first being, what happened?) is whether she will ride again. Her pediatric orthopedist confidently assures a colleague, “In my experience, children who ride can’t wait to get back to it.”
Lily responds affirmatively. But I begin to question if she should.
Conventional wisdom suggests that she should overcome any lingering fear and get back on the horse. As her mother and primary supporter, I feel pressured to encourage her to embrace this challenge. I—who insists she wears a coat when it’s cold and eats her vegetables—am suddenly expected to motivate her to take risks again. Why should she mount that horse once more?
Eventually, the time for her next lesson arrives. Four weeks have passed since her injury. Now, a flexible arm splint replaces the cast, which she will wear intermittently for the next six months due to an increased risk of refracture. I don my sunglasses to hide my concern as she prepares to canter again.
As she rides, the excitement fills me with joy. I see her in the distance, and I feel elated.
Afterward, we celebrate with pizza. Yet, doubt creeps back in—what if she falls again?
An email from Lily’s second-grade teacher catches my attention the day after her accident. As a fellow rider, she empathizes and shares her own experiences with her daughter’s injuries. She reflects on her summer raising kittens, noting how they eventually tried to climb the very fence she had built to protect them. Her insight reminds me that sheltering our children from pain can sometimes create greater risks. I keep that email, knowing I might need it again.
Lily’s next lesson never happens—she decides to take a break from riding and join the new Girls on the Run program at school instead. I feel a mix of relief and uncertainty. I email Sarah, who reassures me that Lily is welcome to return whenever she feels ready. I save that message too.
In summary, allowing our children to experience setbacks and face challenges is crucial for their growth. While we may instinctively want to shield them from pain, embracing risks can foster resilience and strength. Just as Lily learned to navigate her fears, we can encourage our children to overcome obstacles while supporting their decisions to take a step back when needed.
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Keyphrase: Encouraging Resilience in Children
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