About two years before I welcomed my daughter, Lila, I made a significant career shift from public relations in Washington D.C. back to my hometown of St. Louis with my partner, Jake. While he attended law school at night, I embarked on earning a Master’s Degree in counseling, driven by my desire to support children and families navigating the complexities of divorce. My own parents’ separation when I was twelve left a lasting impact, and I felt compelled to help others through similar struggles.
During my first graduate course, Personal and Professional Development in Counseling, our instructor emphasized the importance of personal therapy: “Every good therapist sees a therapist,” she said. “You need to address your own issues if you wish to help others effectively.” This prompted me to seek out my own therapist, even though I had some prior experience with counseling. I assumed I’d only need a few sessions to resolve my issues, but here I am, ten years later, still seeing her regularly.
It felt almost fateful that I had a therapist during my pregnancy with Lila, especially as we faced one challenging diagnosis after another. Just when we thought the situation couldn’t get worse, it did. As we adjusted to our new reality, another piece of difficult news emerged. The work I had done to heal past wounds quickly shifted to managing anxiety about the unknowns surrounding Lila’s condition and the stress that came with caregiving. My therapy sessions became centered on Lila and the grief I was experiencing.
When Lila was only a few days old, I felt the need to reach out to my therapist. I left a message asking if we could talk sooner than our scheduled session; I had just learned that Lila didn’t pass her newborn hearing screening, and the anxiety was overwhelming. I was hesitant to share this news with family and friends, as it would make it feel more real, and I wasn’t sure how they would react.
In a quiet moment in my home, I sat in a chair, waiting for my therapist’s call. When she answered, her tone was warm yet cautious. “Hi, Lila’s mom. How are you?” she asked. I hesitated, wanting to say I was fine, but I knew that wasn’t the truth. “Actually, I’m not okay. I’m really scared. Lila might not be able to hear.” The tears flowed as I expressed my fears, and she listened with comforting silence, allowing me to process my emotions.
During that call, I shared my anxiety about waiting for answers, and my therapist encouraged me to focus on what I could control. With her support, I began to shift my energy toward manageable tasks, like finding a lactation consultant and considering nighttime feeding choices for Lila.
Looking back, I recognize how fortunate I was to have my therapist during those early days of motherhood. The worries compounded by postpartum hormones and sleepless nights felt heavy, but her unwavering support helped me navigate those turbulent emotions. She allowed me to grieve without immediately trying to find solutions, and that acceptance was powerful.
Through my therapy journey, I learned the importance of addressing grief in different ways, especially within my relationship with Jake. We each coped in our own ways, and I realized I needed additional support outside of him. Instead of shying away from my feelings, I learned to confront them head-on.
The burden of caregiving for a child with complex medical needs can be overwhelming; studies show that a significant percentage of caregivers report high levels of stress and anxiety. After the loss of Lila, Jake and I created the Lila Anderson Foundation to provide resources for parents facing similar challenges. This led to the introduction of mental health services at local hospitals, emphasizing the importance of mental wellness for caregivers.
In my current therapy sessions, I’m finally revisiting some of the issues I initially sought help for a decade ago. The coping strategies I developed while caring for Lila have made it easier for me to handle past concerns. The journey of parenting a child with special needs has undoubtedly changed me, and I continue to work on managing anxiety as a parent of healthy children.
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In summary, my therapist has been a guiding light during some of the darkest days of motherhood. Her support helped me confront my fears and navigate the complexities of parenting a child with health challenges. By learning to manage my emotions and focusing on what I could control, I found strength in vulnerability and the courage to face the unknown.
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