Dear Beloved Children,
Tonight, I found myself giving in to social pressure (something I have always advised you against) and attended a screening of Fifty Shades of Grey with some friends. I disregarded the voice in my mind urging me to decline, thinking it was just a lighthearted film. In hindsight, I wish I had listened to that voice because, while the experience was disappointing, it has given me an opportunity to share my thoughts with you.
One day, you will be old enough to watch films like Fifty Shades of Grey, and perhaps out of curiosity, you or your friends may decide to view it sooner. I must come to terms with the reality that your innocent perspectives will sooner or later encounter this type of content. I am writing this letter to ensure that when that moment arrives, you understand the true nature of Fifty Shades of Grey rather than what it pretends to represent.
What Fifty Shades of Grey Is Not
Let me clarify what Fifty Shades of Grey is not.
It is not a true love story. While it may appear to be one at first glance, love has no real presence in the narrative. It is not a romantic fairy tale with a touch of playful naughtiness. The concept of romance is noticeably absent, as the film portrays a wealthy, attractive man who uses his influence to seduce and manipulate a naive young woman into participating in activities she is clearly uncomfortable with.
The characters are not equals or partners; rather, the story revolves around a self-absorbed man indulging in controlling and often violent desires, seeing a vulnerable woman as an object for his pleasure. His needs overshadow her discomfort, and he expects her compliance regardless of her feelings.
As I sat in the theater, surrounded by numerous women who seemed to be enamored with this so-called “sexy love story,” I felt a wave of sadness. If an entire audience of women significantly older than you could not recognize the harmful implications of this storyline, how could young boys and girls be expected to do so?
A Message to My Daughters and Son
To my daughters, please do not let this glorification of abusive relationships mislead you into thinking you should ever tolerate being treated like Anastasia Steele. And to my son, do not ever think it is acceptable to intimidate, manipulate, or devalue a woman like the character Christian Grey. No one deserves to be disrespected or coerced against their will.
When you eventually enter into romantic relationships, I hope you understand that intimacy should be mutually enjoyable, regardless of your individual preferences. Consent must always be clear and freely given; anything less is not true consent. I hope you will both demand and offer respect in all your interactions.
Important Points to Remember
Leaving the cinema tonight, I felt a deep concern for your generation. If this is the kind of film that shapes your understanding of love and relationships, it is crucial that I clarify some important points:
- If someone shows up unexpectedly at your workplace, claiming to be protective when they seem possessive, it is not romantic; it is concerning.
- If you express your feelings about being a virgin and are met with aggression, that is not love; that is assault.
- If an individual tracks your whereabouts and takes you somewhere against your will, that is not care; it is stalking.
- Breaking into your personal space uninvited is not an act of love; it is a violation.
- If you express disinterest and someone responds by forcing intimacy, that is not passion; it is abuse.
- If they take actions without your consent, such as selling your possessions in the name of surprise, it is manipulation.
- Monitoring your communications and threatening you because of another’s interest is not love; it is control.
- Lastly, if someone derives pleasure from causing you pain and uses your discomfort as an excuse to justify their actions, remember that love has no place in such behavior.
This film deeply troubled me, and as someone with life experience, I fear for a future where you might view such portrayals as normal. Please understand: true love is gentle, it does not demand or take, and it waits for consent. Love does not hinge on extravagant displays or material gifts; it is simply enough to exist.
When love is present, the voice in your mind is calm, not screaming for help.
Listen to me, my dear children. If nothing else, heed this advice. And if you choose to dismiss my words, trust the instincts within you.
With all my love,
Mum