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We Stopped Drinking, and It Strengthened Our Marriage
by Sarah Mitchell
Updated: April 5, 2021
Originally Published: April 2, 2021
After a decade of sobriety, I was surprised when my husband, Jake, decided to stop drinking. I didn’t even notice it at first; it took two weeks for me to realize he hadn’t touched alcohol since that last bourbon. One evening at our favorite restaurant, he simply asked for water instead of wine. When I asked why, he explained that he felt it was time to make a change.
That decision has profoundly strengthened our bond. Our relationship flourishes when alcohol isn’t a factor.
In the early days of our relationship, drinking was central to our connection. We bonded over after-work drinks, late-night beers on the patio, and wine during dinner. It seemed our shared love of alcohol was the only thing keeping us together; we didn’t have much in common otherwise. We hailed from different cities and backgrounds, had different interests, and even our tastes in music and media clashed. Yet, we carried on.
Once we tied the knot, our drinking habits escalated. What began as occasional glasses of wine morphed into a nightly routine. I often woke up to hangovers, and my drinking spiraled out of control. I was consuming beers four nights a week, which took a toll on my well-being.
When I became pregnant, I quit drinking for nine months, but returned to it shortly after my son was born. However, after having my second child, I made the decision to stop for good. Since then, I’ve raised four children without alcohol in my life, and it feels right.
Jake’s drinking was different—less about getting drunk and more about routine. He would come home, crack open a beer, or pour a glass of wine while watching TV. Initially, it didn’t bother me, but over time, it created a rift between us. Our evenings turned into lonely separations, with him drinking alone in the basement while I retreated to the bedroom.
We were like roommates, not a married couple. Saturday nights often ended in arguments, especially when I grew tired of being the designated driver for his extravagant wine choices. What used to be fun felt like a waste of money, leading to tension and conflict.
One day, without fanfare, Jake decided to stop drinking. He is not one for grand announcements but quietly made a commitment to be the best version of himself for our family.
Now, nearly two years into our sobriety journey, life is significantly better. We still have our disagreements—what couple doesn’t?—but they’re rooted in genuine issues rather than fueled by alcohol. Our challenges are now real, and we work through them together.
Parenting has improved tremendously without the fog of hangovers. We find joy in spending quality time as a family, free from the influence of alcohol.
I want to emphasize that we don’t have an issue with people who drink; we have a drinking problem. We can happily host gatherings with drinks available, but we choose not to partake. While I worry about how alcohol might affect our children, we are determined to guide them towards making wise choices.
I feel incredibly grateful that we chose to prioritize our marriage over alcohol. I love Jake deeply and have come to appreciate him even more in our sober life together. We may toast to our marriage with Diet Coke and Irish coffee, but that’s just perfect for us.
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In summary, choosing to stop drinking has transformed our marriage into a stronger, more connected partnership. We’ve faced our challenges head-on, and as we navigate this journey together, we find fulfillment in our shared experiences without alcohol.
Keyphrase: Stopping drinking saved our marriage
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