For nearly two years, I have distanced myself from family gatherings, not because of what they might say to me, but in fear of their remarks directed at my children. Initially, I avoided these interactions due to their opinions about our two-mom family. As my teenage son matured, comments shifted to the notion that “He needs a father figure at home,” and eventually to my youngest child’s weight gain. To protect my kids, I felt it best to minimize our family interactions.
The pandemic made it easier to maintain this distance and halted my ongoing attempts to establish boundaries concerning discussions around weight within my family. I grew up in a household where comments about weight were commonplace, making me acutely aware of my own body and eating habits. With my children, aged five and 14, I now recognize my responsibility as a parent to safeguard their mental and emotional well-being regarding body image and self-worth.
Establishing Boundaries
Establishing boundaries with family can be incredibly challenging, but once they are set, they become easier to maintain. The words our families use when speaking to us and our children have a significant impact. My daughter, who is a twin with a different body type, has already begun to notice her physical differences, asking questions like, “My belly is big, isn’t it?” or “Will you still love me if I can’t wear that?” Each inquiry tugs at my heart. We reassure her that her beauty comes from within and that her worth is not defined by her appearance but by her kindness and compassion towards others.
My son, on the other hand, faces a different set of challenges. He is tall and thin, a picky eater due to sensory issues, and his medication suppresses his appetite. The comments directed at him are dissimilar: “You never eat anything,” or “Look at those skinny legs.” Early on, I pushed him to eat more, worried about his nutrient intake. However, I’ve since learned to respect his needs.
The Impact of Family Comments
Every child deserves to feel cherished and valued in their interactions with family—both immediate and extended. My relatives often express concern about my children’s eating habits, fearing future health issues. According to Dr. Kahan, director of the National Center for Weight and Wellness, “Obesity has been called the last socially acceptable form of prejudice, and persons with obesity are considered acceptable targets of stigma.” It is particularly painful when the source of such stigma comes from those who are supposed to love us unconditionally.
While we cannot predict our children’s future health, we do know the detrimental effects that shaming can have on their present—contributing to anxiety and eating disorders. Marlene Schwartz, a psychologist and director at the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity, notes that parents sometimes mistakenly believe that teasing will motivate their child to lose weight. “There’s virtually no evidence that that works. In fact, there’s evidence that it causes harm.” Our goal should be to uplift children, not to harm them.
Championing Our Children
When family members make comments about our children’s weight, we must gently remind them to refrain from discussing it, allowing parents to handle such matters. Ultimately, our children are our responsibility—not that of their cousins, aunts, uncles, or grandparents. The American Journal of Pediatrics advocates for a non-judgmental approach, stating that “children and adolescents with overweight or obesity may face increased stigma. Pediatricians need to adopt a nonjudgmental approach with their patients and families.”
Instead of shaming children about their weight, let’s champion them. My daughter’s pediatrician once told me, “She is in the 99th percentile for her age, but encourage her to eat healthier foods and to love her body. She’s going to be tall too!” His supportive words meant a lot to both my daughter and me, just as the words from family can carry significant weight.
As my daughter’s mother, it is my duty to protect her, advocate for her when she lacks the words, and establish clear boundaries with my family. Conversations about her weight are off the table; it’s simply not fair to her, and it’s inappropriate for them to comment. I know their intentions are good—they believe they are offering advice by mentioning “those thighs” or “that belly”—but they don’t realize that their loving affirmations of “you’re beautiful as you are” or “I love you” will instill a stronger sense of security in my daughter. In the long run, their current comments can do more harm than good, and I owe it to her to provide the protection that I never received.
Further Reading
For more insights related to family and parenting, check out this blog post. Also, if you’re interested in understanding more about artificial insemination, I recommend visiting Make a Mom for valuable information. Additionally, for those considering fertility treatment, March of Dimes offers excellent resources.
Summary
The author shares her experience of protecting her children from family comments about their bodies and weight. She highlights the importance of establishing boundaries to safeguard their emotional well-being. The article emphasizes that supportive language matters significantly and that parents should advocate for their children against harmful remarks, fostering a nurturing environment.
Keyphrase: Protecting children from family comments about weight
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