Your Asian Friends Might Be Struggling

Every day, I wake up and tell myself that today is a fresh start. I promise myself that today is the day I’ll tackle the mountain of unwritten articles piling up for various publications. I hope that today I won’t have a strong reaction to yet another headline or see a white-owned company profiting from Asian culture while remaining silent on ongoing anti-Asian violence—especially after the tragic events in Atlanta.

Perhaps today will be different. Maybe I won’t have to suppress my panic, grief, or anger, or even deactivate all my social media accounts because someone unwittingly shared another horrific account of anti-Asian racism or misogyny in an attempt to keep us informed. I would prefer to be uninformed; I am not okay.

I Appreciate My Friends for Reaching Out

Many of my friends—especially those who are Black or Asian women—have checked in on me since the Atlanta shootings. I am grateful for their concern. In truth, they’ve been checking in since the early days of anti-Asian racism that surged when COVID-19 first made headlines. When they ask how they can support me, I often find myself at a loss for words.

What can I say? I don’t need financial help, and I don’t have products to sell. I have a solid support network. By all appearances, I’m doing fine. As one friend put it, “I’m not in any imminent danger.”

But sometimes, it feels like I am in imminent danger. It feels like this country wants to put me—and my family—at risk. Not just Asians, but all people of color, women of color, and LGBTQIA+ individuals seem to be at threat. Sometimes, the danger is real; we just don’t realize it until it’s too late.

I Want to Scream

I struggle to communicate my feelings to my friends because there’s nothing they can do to fix it. It’s not a simple problem; as much as I appreciate their check-ins and support, these gestures are mere band-aids on a deep wound.

How can I articulate that we need to dismantle white supremacy and patriarchy? Who can tackle such monumental issues in just a day? If it were that easy, wouldn’t it have already been done?

And how can I provide resources when I’m so exhausted? I find myself feeling obligated to write articles and share information about anti-Asian hate, Asian American history, and allyship, all of which are important topics. But I’m drained. I’m so incredibly tired.

I fear that the forces of white patriarchy are stronger than I can withstand. I am terrified that their hatred is more powerful than my love, as they seem willing to do anything to crush me—yet I refuse to turn into a monster.

Am I Supposed to Convince Others of My Humanity?

It’s difficult to tell people how to help because the issues are systemic, and I lack the energy to explain it all. I’m done justifying my existence.

I, along with countless Asian women, female-presenting individuals, and my cherished nine-year-old daughter, am viewed as disposable. We live in fear when we should feel secure. We are blamed, exoticized, fetishized, and our right to exist is often ignored.

I am not okay.

I feel like a shattered window, waiting for the final push that will break me. I am angry. I am sad. I am scared. I am human.

I refuse to apologize.

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Summary

The struggles faced by many Asian individuals amidst rising anti-Asian sentiments are profound. While friends express their concern and support, the complexities of systemic racism make it challenging to articulate needs. The emotional toll is heavy, and many feel like they are on the verge of breaking under the weight of fear, anger, and sadness.

Keyphrase: Asian friends mental health

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