I’ve never been the smallest person in the room. From a young age, I noticed that I had a wider and curvier figure compared to my peers. This became painfully apparent when I was shopping for a graduation dress in the 8th grade. My struggles with body image continued through high school, college, and during my pregnancies. It wasn’t until the fall of 2018 that I began to truly work on accepting and loving myself, regardless of my size and shape.
Self-love is a lifelong journey, and it requires time to undo years of body shaming and harsh self-talk. Yet, I also had to contend with my partner’s negative perceptions of my body. He exhibited fatphobia—not out of fear of becoming overweight himself, but through a tendency to body-shame me, making me feel unworthy of his love and acceptance regardless of my shape.
We first met in 2008 when I was grappling with disordered eating. At the beginning of our relationship, I masked my food issues, but it didn’t take long for him to notice I was avoiding meals in front of him. He expressed a desire for me to share my vulnerabilities with him so he could support me; I believed his intentions were genuine.
The first warning sign I overlooked came as a gift on my 18th birthday. Just four months into our relationship, he presented me with workout gear—two spandex tank tops, shorts that were a size too small, and running shoes. I hadn’t run since middle school, and I had never indicated a desire to start. I appreciated the gift but needed to exchange the shorts for a larger size. His response? “Eh, it’ll be fine. Just keep it. Use it as motivation to work towards a smaller you.”
He didn’t say I was too big; he didn’t need to. His message was clear: I wasn’t good enough as I was. Unfortunately, similar conversations followed.
While I was pregnant with our first daughter, he monitored my weight obsessively. My OB-GYN assured us that everything was progressing well and that the baby was healthy, yet he still found ways to bring up my weight. When I questioned his concerns, he insisted he thought I was beautiful at any size, but he wanted to ensure I was doing everything possible to keep the baby healthy. After giving birth, I lost a significant amount of weight—38 pounds in just three months—not due to exercise or a balanced diet, but because life had become overwhelming.
Instead of expressing concern for my health, he celebrated my weight loss. It was then I realized his fear wasn’t for my well-being; it was rooted in a deep-seated fear of me becoming fat.
Both of my parents struggled with weight throughout my life, often leaning on food for comfort during tough times. When he met my family, he immediately disliked their attitudes and household management, but it became clear that his true aversion was to their bodies. He found reasons to justify his disdain, and by the time I graduated high school and gained some weight after stopping dance, he saw it as a warning sign.
I spent over a decade with someone who looked down on those with larger bodies. His views were shaped by a society that promotes fatphobia—not a mental illness, but a pervasive bias. Although some brands have begun to represent diverse body types in their advertising, true equality in representation is still a work in progress.
I share my story to remind anyone who has faced criticism about their body that they are not alone. None of us are perfect. Our differences make life beautiful. You are worthy of love and respect just as you are. Engage with your body in ways that resonate with you, be it through exercise, self-care rituals, or nurturing a healthier relationship with yourself. When you treat yourself with love and respect, you set the standard for how others should treat you.
For more insights, check out this article on home insemination. Additionally, Make a Mom offers valuable resources on artificial insemination kits, and March of Dimes provides excellent information on pregnancy and fertility treatments.
Summary
Navigating a relationship with a body-shaming partner can be a challenging experience. Through my journey, I learned the importance of self-love and acceptance despite societal pressures. It’s essential to honor your body and promote a positive self-image, as these factors influence how we allow others to treat us.
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