Like many parents, I enjoy cooking dinner for my family almost every night. It’s honestly one of my favorite aspects of parenting. The stress of the day fades away while I prepare meals. My kids aren’t interested in helping out, which I don’t mind at all. Meanwhile, my partner uses this time to connect with the children after work, allowing me a few moments of solitude.
Once the main dish is ready, I pull out three divided plastic plates and begin considering what my kids will eat. More often than not, I can create a meal for each child using elements of what I’ve already cooked, but some evenings, I find myself preparing four different dishes for five people.
I understand that many parents firmly disagree with this approach. I’ve heard comments like, “I’m a parent, not a short-order cook. You’ll eat what I make or nothing at all.” While that method works for some families, I used to have a different strategy. We had rules about trying two bites, and I offered simple, approved alternatives that the kids could prepare themselves if they didn’t like my cooking. I believed that was a solid plan, but it eventually stopped being effective for us.
I’ve made adjustments to address my children’s current needs. I’ve put aside my dinner rules for now, and I may not revert back. Here’s why one meal doesn’t suit my family at this point:
- Each of my three kids has specific requirements that I strive to meet. My eldest, who used to be picky, now eats a wide variety of food but struggles with a recurring GI issue that causes him discomfort. My middle child, who is autistic, is working through challenges related to food aversions tied to textures and tastes. Forcing him can lead to him eating very little for extended periods; “He’ll eat if he’s hungry enough” simply isn’t true for him. My youngest is just one year old and is currently on the lower end of the growth chart, so she needs to eat whatever is available.
- Sometimes, I simply don’t want to eat what my children can tolerate. With three kids facing various food challenges, creating one meal that satisfies everyone is often unfeasible. My partner and I are adults and occasionally prefer more variety in our meals.
- I genuinely don’t feel any frustration or resentment about this arrangement. If I didn’t have valid reasons, cooking separate meals might irritate me, but it doesn’t. To me, cooking is not a chore; I used to follow rigid rules because I thought I should.
- I recognize the privilege in being able to prepare multiple dinners. I’m fortunate to have access to a wide variety of nutritious food. There are parents around the world going to bed hungry so their children can eat. I feel grateful that I can whip up an egg or heat up a quesadilla after preparing a main meal.
- I want my kids to understand that their preferences matter. I don’t believe in the idea of eating whatever is in front of them without considering their feelings. As adults, we have control over our food choices, and I want my children to learn to listen to their bodies and trust their own tastes rather than forcing them to eat something they dislike.
- I don’t think they will miss out on important lessons. We teach our kids about nutrition, the importance of trying new foods, and how to be gracious when someone prepares food for them. They know to politely decline if they don’t like something, and they understand that if they refuse a meal outside our home, they might have to wait until we return to eat.
As my children grow, it’s likely they will expand their food preferences just like their father did. My older kids are already trying new foods frequently. Maybe my willingness to prepare separate meals is part of that, or maybe it’s unrelated. Regardless, this is how we function right now, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever revert to insisting everyone eat the same dinner. As long as we gather at the same table, the contents of our plates shouldn’t matter.
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Summary
Preparing separate meals for my kids has become a necessary practice due to their unique dietary needs and preferences. Each child faces different challenges, and I prioritize their health and comfort over rigid meal rules. This approach allows them to learn about nutrition and listen to their bodies while fostering a positive relationship with food.
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