Before I became pregnant, I was certain that my partner and I would share parenting responsibilities equally. I envisioned a system where I would breastfeed sometimes, and he would handle bottle feeding; I would cook, and he would take care of cleaning. We were supposed to tackle diaper changes and doctor visits together. But, I was completely mistaken.
Even though my partner is a wonderful person, he couldn’t shield me from the mental weight of motherhood. Not only was I not an endless source of breastmilk, but the emotional demands of being a mother were overwhelming enough to make me reconsider my professional path.
I had always believed we would be equals in parenting. Throughout our relationship, we prided ourselves on sharing responsibilities, covering each other’s expenses, and supporting one another. However, during my pregnancy, it became clear that the demands of motherhood and fatherhood were vastly different. While we were both embarking on this new adventure, I was the one experiencing the physical and emotional changes; it was my body that was transforming to nurture our child.
This shift created some tension. My partner felt guilty for not fully comprehending what I was experiencing, and I found myself envious that he didn’t have to endure the same struggles.
The balance we once had tilted dramatically with the arrival of our baby. My partner adores our daughter, and she seems to light up when she sees him. Meanwhile, I often find myself needing to coax her into smiles. He helps with feeding and bath time, encouraging her during tummy time, hoping she’ll roll over soon.
The COVID-19 pandemic added an extra layer of complexity to our situation. I was about 12 weeks pregnant when the world shut down in March 2020. I had planned to return to my job as Head of Marketing at an event venue after maternity leave, but the industry took a hit. What started as temporary pay cuts evolved into permanent part-time positions, and many families faced the dilemma of returning to work after their baby’s arrival.
I was offered a part-time role as Head of Marketing when my maternity leave ended, but I ultimately decided against it. Attempting to market an event venue during a pandemic was more stressful than the loss of income.
This decision weighed heavily on me. Why would I give up my job now, in a challenging job market? Was I making a mistake? Balancing a part-time job, a newborn, and seeking full-time work felt impossible.
One night, lying in bed, jealousy surged through me. My partner never had to doubt whether he would return to work after our daughter was born. He didn’t grapple with his identity as both a father and a professional; he could simply be both without hesitation.
And so, I cried—not only for my career but also for the obstacles I faced due to the pandemic and my choice to become a mother. As I cautiously re-enter the job market, I still experience envy over the decisions I have to make to maintain my professional identity.
Questions cloud my mind: Should I transition her to formula? Am I a bad mom for even considering that? Why do I feel undervalued as a stay-at-home mom? What if she starts needing someone else instead of me? Will she even notice my reduced involvement? How will I manage nap times? What if I miss her rolling over for the first time?
It’s an endless cycle of “what ifs” and “how wills.” I find myself daydreaming about being that ambitious professional again while gently rocking her to sleep at night, picturing a life where I can have it all. I look at her and realize that more than anything, she needs a happy mom—not just exclusive breastfeeding. That reminder has become a daily mental task.
If you’re interested in more insights about motherhood and parenting, be sure to check out this post on Home Insemination Kit. For those looking into home insemination options, Cryobaby at Home Insemination Kit is a great resource. Additionally, WebMD offers excellent information on pregnancy and insemination.
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In summary, the transition into motherhood can be unexpectedly overwhelming, with many women facing unique challenges that differ from their partners. The emotional and mental load can lead to questions about identity and career, particularly during trying times like a pandemic. It’s crucial to remember that a happy mother is essential for a happy child, and navigating this journey requires support and understanding.
Keyphrase: Mental Load of Motherhood
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