In April, as shelter-in-place orders were enforced, I finally transformed my home office into a legitimate workspace. For the previous three years, my desk had been crammed into a corner of what used to be a playroom/exercise area, with an elliptical machine behind me that my partner occasionally used on weekends. Thankfully, it was before the Zoom era, making my background less of a concern. With both of my kids finally in full-time school—or so I believed—I was eager to claim this space as my own.
We dismantled the elliptical machine (a decision my partner would later question as gyms closed). I chose a soothing jade green for the walls, a color said to spark creativity. We replaced the old, stained carpet with carpet squares we had stored away from a renovation years back.
As I admired my new office, I felt a sense of pride and anticipation for the focus I would find in this space. But, by the time it was complete, I had stopped working altogether.
Like over 2 million other mothers across the nation, I had surrendered. I realized that perhaps I needed to take one for the team. Continuing our routine from the past couple of months felt impossible.
As a writer, I’ve worked from home for nine years, so the pandemic didn’t significantly change my work situation. However, balancing work with two elementary-aged children doing “remote” learning proved to be a challenge. Writing isn’t easily accomplished in twenty-minute snippets while dodging interruptions from tech issues.
After submitting a manuscript on May 1, I decided to halt my work until my kids were more independent. With summer approaching and all camps canceled, what were we going to do?
I had the financial flexibility to make that choice, believing that easing the tension of who got to work and who had to supervise the kids might help my marriage. (Spoiler alert: it didn’t.)
Back in May, I thought schools would reopen by August. But as summer turned to fall with no end in sight, I realized I had unwittingly signed up for a new normal that wasn’t working.
Initially, I blamed my husband for not doing enough. He didn’t seem to grasp that by the end of the day, I was emotionally drained and longed for solitude. I adored my children, but they were constant sources of energy depletion.
I kept convincing myself to hang on until school resumed, and in November, both kids finally returned to in-person classes for a few days a week. It felt like a miracle. However, those precious hours only amounted to fifteen per week—far from enough to dive into any substantial projects. The kids were still home on other days, requiring my attention for their remote learning.
I felt trapped, always on call in my own life, while I watched my husband leave for work. Yes, sometimes that meant just walking into my office (MY office!) and shutting the door. But I couldn’t help but feel resentment bubbling within me.
I married a wonderful man. He genuinely wants to support me and never expected me to manage the kids as much as I have. He’s an attentive father and husband, so if I struggle with him, I can only imagine how others are coping who lack such support.
It’s not just the larger issues like work sacrifices or shared parenting duties that put a strain on marriages. The constant presence of a partner can also amplify minor annoyances. In regular life, these little frustrations—like not hanging up a towel or leaving dishes in the sink—are often easily forgotten amidst daily distractions.
But in quarantine, those irritations loom large, unaddressed. The laundry piles up, the dishes accumulate, and by the end of the day, they morph into mountains of grievances. We find ourselves stewing in frustration instead of finding resolution.
While some couples find solace in the extra time together, the majority, like me, feel overwhelmed by the demands of parenting and partnership in these trying times.
We can’t revert to our old ways; we must adapt to survive this prolonged limbo. Thankfully, I sense a collective acknowledgment that it’s okay to prioritize self-care during this period. My husband encourages me to express my needs, but first, I must recognize them when they arise.
I’ve learned the importance of taking a moment for myself—whether that’s fifteen minutes of solitude or a walk outside. I’ve come to understand that I shouldn’t sacrifice my well-being, and I’m ready to reclaim my work life.
Now, my husband and I each take a night off each week, allowing the other to unwind after dinner. This small change has been transformative; knowing I have time for myself amidst the chaos has made a world of difference.
I’ve finally shared with him my desire to return to work, understanding it may be a challenge as we juggle our kids’ education. But I know it’s what I want and need.
So, if you find yourself struggling in a marriage that once thrived, you’re not alone. This period doesn’t mean the end for your relationship; it simply requires a bit more compassion. Make room for both yourself and your partner during this time.
While challenges abound, it’s essential to remember that this won’t last forever. We will return to a semblance of normalcy, with opportunities to pursue personal passions and reconnect with each other. Until then, we will take deep breaths, offer hugs, and learn to ask for what we need.
For additional insights on home insemination and related topics, check out this post on Home Insemination Kit. If you’re interested in at-home insemination methods, Make A Mom provides excellent resources. You can also explore Mayo Clinic for comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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- How to manage parenting during a pandemic
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In summary, many couples are experiencing strain as they navigate the complexities of family life during the pandemic. It’s crucial to allow for self-care and communication in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Recognizing the need for personal space and support can help alleviate some of the pressure, making it easier to reconnect and thrive as partners as we wait for life to return to normal.
Keyphrase: marriage during the pandemic
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