Trigger Warning: Abuse
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Why did she stay?” it’s time to reevaluate your perspective. The real question should be, “Why did he abuse her?” Go ahead — take a moment to reflect on that.
WHY DID HE ABUSE HER?
This question might not come as easily, right? It lacks the simplicity and familiarity of blaming the victim. After all, it’s often easier to view victims as weak or deserving of their circumstances. The narrative becomes “She made poor choices. She could have walked away. I’d never tolerate that.”
Let’s try that again: “WHY DID HE ABUSE HER?”
Is it becoming more familiar yet? No? That’s alright. Let’s keep practicing.
In the meantime, let’s delve deeper into the topic of abuse and explore why victim-blaming is so prevalent. According to The Hotline, “Domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence (IPV), dating abuse, or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.”
Is abuse always physical? No. Does it sometimes manifest that way? Yes.
Let’s navigate this scenario together. Picture a woman named Sarah who meets a man named Mark. Sarah is bright, independent, and thriving in her career. Mark appears charming, and they quickly form a connection. He plans thoughtful dates and showers her with affection. Sarah is convinced she’s found true love.
However, as their relationship progresses, Mark begins displaying subtle controlling behaviors. He often walks ahead of her and neglects to hold doors open. At first, these behaviors seem trivial, easily overlooked. They soon move in together, and as time passes, Sarah finds herself distancing from her friends.
Their engagement and marriage seem to solidify their bond, but Mark’s behavior shifts further. He becomes increasingly possessive, insisting that Sarah spends all her time with him. His jealousy grows, and Sarah begins to question her own independence.
When Sarah becomes a mother, she assumes Mark will be supportive. Yet, he criticizes her parenting, further eroding her self-esteem. As he continues to manipulate her life, she feels trapped and isolated.
This pattern continues: Mark sabotages her attempts to work, controls finances, and creates an environment where Sarah feels she must tiptoe around him.
The despair grows. Sarah wonders if leaving is even an option. She knows that if she attempts to escape, she risks losing everything and placing her children in danger.
As readers, it’s crucial to reflect on Sarah’s situation. Imagine being her — isolated, financially dependent, frightened of the consequences of leaving.
So, why is the onus placed on her to change her life for safety? She did nothing wrong. Her children did nothing wrong. Why must she uproot her existence to ensure their safety? SHE DID NOTHING WRONG!
Now, let’s shift the narrative. The next time someone asks, “Why did she stay?” be prepared to respond with, “Why did he abuse her?” This new perspective is vital, and it’s our responsibility to share it.
If you’re interested in more discussions around these themes, check out this blog post for further insights. Additionally, for anyone exploring their fertility journey, Make a Mom offers valuable resources, while Cleveland Clinic provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.