During my pregnancies, I often encountered the phrase, “As long as he’s healthy.” Initially, I received it from acquaintances or strangers in casual conversations. It usually went like this:
Them: “Oh! (noticing my baby bump) When is your due date?”
Me: “In June.”
Them: “Do you know if it’s a boy or girl?”
Me: “A boy.”
Them: “That’s wonderful! Well, as long as he’s healthy, right?”
This expression always puzzled me. Is it necessary to state the obvious? Of course, I wished for my baby’s health! I took prenatal vitamins, attended all my doctor’s appointments, and followed all the guidelines (no alcohol, no raw foods, etc.). Was this phrase a way of invoking good luck for my growing child? Did it serve as a sort of protective charm, as if uttering those words would somehow ward off misfortune? Because let’s face it, anything less than a healthy pregnancy is seen as a tragedy.
My worries multiplied after my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I didn’t know the term at that time, but my first child was what’s known as a rainbow baby—born after a loss. Hearing “As long as he’s healthy” served as a stark reminder of my grief and the many uncertainties surrounding pregnancy.
While my subsequent pregnancy progressed without major issues, my second son faced significant health challenges. I contracted a virus called Cytomegalovirus (CMV) during pregnancy, which led to serious health complications for him. He was born with medical issues that left doctors uncertain about his future. This was devastating.
No matter how much we plan, life can take unexpected turns. Some children are born with unique challenges. What do we do then? How do we cope and keep moving forward?
I struggled with immense guilt and sadness over my son’s health issues. I felt I had failed him and was embarrassed to face friends and family. How could I explain what had happened? I was torn between my past life and the uncertain future ahead.
In those early days, I desperately needed support. My mind was filled with overwhelming information about my son’s care. I hesitated to share my fears with friends, not wanting to burden them. Yet, I had to find a way to navigate this new reality, all while caring for a toddler and newborn at home.
Today, my son is eight and continues to surprise me with his resilience. After years of therapy and adjustment, I’ve learned to advocate for both his needs and my own. I set an example because I realize that others will observe how I interact with him. I’ve also learned the importance of self-care when I feel overwhelmed.
Being open about my journey has created deeper connections. Friends confide in me about their child’s diagnoses, knowing I can relate. It’s unfortunate that these discussions often feel taboo, as if we should hide our struggles.
Though I’ve mostly moved past my guilt, every so often, I hear someone casually say, “As long as he’s healthy!” and those old feelings resurface. I want to ask, “What if he’s not? What if life doesn’t unfold as we envision? Will we still be okay?” It must be so, or else how can we progress? Pregnancy and motherhood often lie beyond our control, and it’s how we respond to these challenges that truly matters.
For more on navigating challenging pregnancies and parenting experiences, check out this related blog post. It’s a great resource for anyone dealing with similar issues. Also, if you’re considering ways to enhance fertility, visit Make a Mom for some helpful supplements. Additionally, ACOG provides excellent guidance on treating infertility.
Search Queries:
- Why do people say “as long as he’s healthy” during pregnancy?
- How to cope with pregnancy after a miscarriage?
- Understanding Cytomegalovirus effects on pregnancy.
- Managing expectations during pregnancy and motherhood.
- Talking about children’s health challenges with friends and family.
Summary
In this reflection, the author expresses discontent with the common phrase “As long as he’s healthy,” which often oversimplifies the complexities of pregnancy and parenthood. Through personal experiences, including a miscarriage and a child’s health challenges, she highlights the need for open discussions about the realities of parenting, even when those realities differ from societal expectations.
Keyphrase: Dislike the phrase ‘as long as he’s healthy’
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]