I was listening to a podcast yesterday where a therapist mentioned that distance increases desire. Well, that’s no surprise.
When COVID first began, I felt incredibly grateful to have a partner I loved to share my days with. Both of us are divorced, have kids, and are doing our best to co-parent while managing our households amid the chaos.
Having someone in my bubble who felt the same way about avoiding crowds, wearing masks, and keeping our kids from sleepovers was a true blessing. And, as a delightful bonus, we were enjoying great intimacy.
After years of swiping through dating apps, I finally found someone I could settle down with. I relished the thought of not having to worry about virtual dates or wearing out my trusty vibrator. For months, he was the only person I saw besides my kids. Our previous kid-free outings—movies, dining out, or visiting friends—came to a halt, and we got cozy with staying in.
At first, I welcomed this change, but soon I found myself on the verge of snapping every night while he snored next to me.
It hit me while I was cooking dinner that he had a habit of slurping the canned vegetables straight from the pot. Instead of simply checking their temperature, he would lean over and loudly slurp the green beans multiple times.
When we took drives to escape the house, the sports channel blared at an ear-splitting volume, while the heat blasted in my face with the windows down. Getting in the car with him was so overwhelming that I needed to retreat to my room for hours of silence afterward.
Every call was conducted on speakerphone, and he would replay silly videos from friends at least five times. We both adore ice cream, which has become a staple during quarantine, but I can’t stand how he smacks his lips with every lick, claiming it helps him “really taste” it.
Now, I know I’m not perfect—I take forever in the bathroom, overspend on shoes, and have a specific way I arrange my pillows. I have certain meals for certain days, and my blender is anything but quiet. I’m an early bird, while he’s a night owl, and lately, I’ve found it takes me ages to reach climax.
I’m sure I drive him nuts too.
The truth is, ever since March, the little quirks that I once found charming (or didn’t even notice) have started to grate on my nerves, simply because he’s my constant companion during this pandemic. He’s my safe haven, someone I turn to in moments of joy or struggle. But without the usual buffer of friends, family, or outings, I often feel the urge to scream.
I can’t just sneak out to a spin class, and he can’t visit his friends who usually host game nights, as they have elderly parents at home.
I know we aren’t alone in navigating this pandemic together. We both work from home and have adjusted our schedules to accommodate workouts and shared meals. We are comfortable and in love.
Yet, he’s really testing my patience. The lack of distance is creating a strain, and let’s be honest—we need a little spark back in our lives. Just the other night, he turned the TV up a notch, and I felt myself reaching my breaking point.
To all the couples feeling overwhelmed by constant proximity, I want to say we’re in this together. But honestly, each couple has their own struggles, and while I can’t make it easier for you, and you can’t make it easier for me, we can at least listen and vent to one another.
The reality is, we’re in this with our partner, and despite the slurping, snoring, and all the other annoying habits that make me feel like running away, I truly believe that if you can survive COVID with someone, you can handle anything life throws at you.
And when life eventually returns to normal and we start spending time apart again, I have a feeling I’ll miss him dearly.