In honor of my beloved family, I dedicate this piece to my wife, Anna, and my late grandfather, Lou. Anna has graciously allowed me to share my musings here, and Lou’s meticulous nature has inspired much of my parenting philosophy. I can only hope my children, or their children, will reflect on my parenting with the same humor I now reserve for Lou.
When I was a medical student in New York, I received a 4 a.m. phone call from Lou, who was worried after hearing about an accident involving a ferry. This deep-seated anxiety about the world around us is something I came to understand as my own children grew; parenting can indeed provoke anxiety.
As my children reached adulthood, I reminisced about my own “Staten Island Ferry” moments. I decided to ask them about their childhood memories, and their responses led to what they affectionately dubbed “Thompson’s Guidelines for Parenting.”
- The “5 Chip Limit” Rule: In retrospect, I may have gone overboard with this one. To prevent my kids from filling up on tortilla chips before meals, I restricted them to five chips each. Perhaps ten would have been more reasonable, but one learns from experience.
- The “4 Minute Hot Tub” Rule: Research indicates that prolonged heat exposure during male development can affect fertility. While other parents allowed their boys to soak indefinitely in hot tubs, my sons adhered to a strict four-minute rotation to cool down. My daughter joined in for fairness, because I believe in equal opportunity.
- The “Laptops Are Not for Your Lap” Rule: Laptop computers can heat up significantly, raising concerns about potential health risks. I mandated that my children use their laptops on tables rather than in their laps to mitigate any risks, even if the science was not definitive.
- The “3 Foot Computer Monitor” Rule: To protect their eyes, I ensured their computer monitors were set three feet away. While this may have caused some eyestrain, I reasoned it was better than risking any unseen harm.
- The “Cell Phone Headset” Rule: I frequently sent my kids articles about the potential risks of cell phones and insisted they use headsets. I was often met with eye rolls, but I maintained my position for their safety.
- The “Wires Are Safer Than Wireless” Rule: While most families transitioned to wireless technology, my family relied on hardwired connections to minimize exposure to electromagnetic radiation.
- The “Volvo” Rule: Our family vehicles were old Volvos, known for their safety features. This choice was non-negotiable as I valued safety over luxury.
- The “8 Hours Sleep or You Don’t Drive” Rule: Inadequate sleep impairs driving abilities, so my children were required to get a full night’s rest before getting behind the wheel.
- The “Even If It’s Only a 15 Minute Drive to School, You Must Leave 40 Minutes Early” Rule: To prevent speeding, my children learned to leave ample time for travel, much to their chagrin.
- The “Family Dinner” Rule: Dinner as a family was mandatory, fostering connection and communication.
- The “Weed Killer” Rule: My wife often grumbled about my aversion to chemical weed killers. As a pediatrician, I was concerned about their potential health risks.
- The “2 ½ Hour Airport Rule”: Long before heightened security, our family arrived at the airport two hours early, which once saved us from missing a flight during a major security incident.
Despite the laughter and occasional ridicule from my children, I like to think these guidelines instilled valuable habits. I hope they continue to practice some of these rules as they start families of their own, perhaps even referencing my earlier advice on their respective parenting journeys.
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In summary, my parenting rules may have seemed excessive at times, but they were rooted in care and concern. While my children may laugh at the specifics, I hope they carry forward the values behind them as they navigate their own paths into parenthood.
Keyphrase: Parenting Guidelines
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