“Because I said so.”
I’ve found myself using this phrase more times than I can count during those overwhelmingly frustrating parenting moments. While it may sound authoritative, I don’t feel guilty about it. When I resort to “because I said so,” it usually comes after I’ve already explained my reasoning, offered options, and tried to find a compromise. It’s a decisive moment where I need to establish a boundary.
If I were to drop “because I said so” at the first sign of questioning from my kids, that would be a different story. That approach would lean into authoritarianism, failing to teach my children about autonomy and independence. My goal is not to cultivate blind obedience, but my kids also don’t run the household.
I identify as an authoritative parent, which experts define as a nurturing style that balances warmth with the establishment of clear limits. This means I listen to my children when they articulate their desires, concerns, or frustrations, but it does not guarantee they’ll always get their way. This is where limits come into play. If you see me declare “because I said so,” it signifies that I’ve engaged in dialogue, heard their perspective, and am now exercising my role as a parent to draw the line.
In contrast, authoritarian parenting revolves around rigid rules and severe consequences for noncompliance. A close friend of mine had authoritarian parents; she could never meet their expectations, leading to a childhood filled with restrictions and punishments. My own upbringing was based on authoritative principles; both sets of parents used “because I said so,” but in vastly different contexts.
There are certainly rules my children are expected to follow, yet there’s also room for flexibility. Take, for instance, a moment a few months ago when my 13-year-old son, Jake, declared he wanted to quit playing the guitar. He had occasionally expressed reluctance about attending lessons, often seeming too tired or hungry after school. My instinct was to refuse his request outright, believing it was a waste of time after years of lessons.
However, I took a breath and reminded myself that he might just be having a rough day. I allowed his statement to linger for a moment before sharing my perspective. I expressed that quitting now, when he was finally seeing some progress, would be a shame. I shared stories about individuals who regretted giving up music just as they were starting to enjoy it.
“Imagine being on a camping trip,” I said, “and having the ability to play your guitar around the campfire or even strumming a tune for your future kids.”
Yet, I also made it clear that if he genuinely chose to quit after some reflection, I would respect that decision. I wouldn’t force him to continue something he didn’t enjoy. As a music teacher, I’ve seen how counterproductive it can be to compel a child into a commitment they dislike.
Nevertheless, there was a stipulation: while I wouldn’t insist he keep playing guitar, he would need to find another activity, whether it meant learning a different instrument, joining a sport, or participating in a club. I want him to remain engaged and working towards new goals. So far, he has chosen to continue with guitar! (Victory!)
Authoritative parenting is not about micromanaging every detail. It involves being adaptable, valuing your child’s thoughts and feelings, and knowing when to stand your ground. Research indicates that of the four primary parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful—the authoritative approach is the most effective for fostering independent, socially confident, and academically successful children. Those raised by authoritative parents are also less likely to experience depression or anxiety and are less likely to engage in risky behaviors.
An authoritarian response to Jake’s desire to quit guitar would have disregarded his opinion entirely, mandating that he continue learning without considering his feelings. It would have assumed I knew better than he did, stripping him of the opportunity to reflect and make an informed choice.
Jake’s desire to quit guitar wasn’t a moment for me to assert “because I said so.” Instead, it was a chance to step back and allow him room for contemplation. While I’m thrilled he’s chosen to stick with the guitar, if he ultimately decides to quit, I would still support him, albeit with the caveat of choosing another activity. Because, after all, I’m the mom, and I said so.
For a deeper dive into parenting styles and their impacts, check out this insightful post on Home Insemination Kit. If you’re interested in exploring home insemination options, the Impregnator at Home Insemination Kit is a reliable resource. Also, don’t miss the information provided by the Cleveland Clinic on intrauterine insemination, which is invaluable for anyone considering pregnancy options.
In summary, while it’s essential to respect our children’s autonomy, it is equally vital to maintain authority in a way that promotes their independence and critical thinking.
Keyphrase: Parenting with Authority
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]