It has been eight weeks since my partner, Jake, and I joyfully welcomed our newest little addition to the family. As our fourth child, this time has allowed us to transition out of the newborn haze and settle into our new routine. However, it has also given me a moment to contemplate the weight of this finality—she truly is our last.
Honestly, she was somewhat of a surprise. In my mind, I always envisioned us with three children. Three meant planning for three college tuitions, strategizing for three kids in extracurricular activities, and even picking a home that had a shared room for two siblings of the same gender. That was the plan—until baby number four came along.
While I cherish our little bundle of joy, the reality is that upon learning about her existence, Jake took steps to ensure we wouldn’t be surprised again. So we entered this phase of parenthood knowing that she would be our last. I find it quite surprising, then, that I’m struggling to come to terms with this conclusion.
She is the last one whose gentle kicks I will feel from within. The last one I will hold close, inhaling that sweet, milky scent during those quiet late-night moments. The last to be cradled in my arms as I wear her in the Moby carrier. The last one we will watch transform from a tiny, helpless baby into a fully-fledged human being.
Our oldest child, Lily, is still young enough that we have many firsts ahead of us—first days of high school, first dates, first heartbreaks. Milestones like college, marriage, and even grandchildren feel like far-off dreams. Yet, this also marks the end of firsts for our family.
The last first smile.
The last first words.
The last first steps.
This moment was bound to arrive; after all, we can’t keep having babies forever. I always thought that when I reached this point, I would feel a sense of completion. Instead, as I look at my family, I can’t help but feel there’s room for one or two more smiles. If circumstances allowed—logistically, financially, and health-wise—I would keep having children indefinitely. But, alas, this is our final chapter.
With this baby, we will retire the crib and high chair. Bottles, sippy cups, and tummy time mats will be put away once and for all. She will be the last to ride in a stroller, the last to use a car seat, and the last to begin school.
This little one is ushering us into a new stage of life. Soon, we will be free of diapers. A time will come when every member of our household can independently put on their shoes and jump into the car. Eventually, they’ll all be in school, and one day, they won’t need us anymore.
My mind understands that this decision is what’s best for our family, but my heart is still grappling with it. Here I sit, tears in my eyes, mourning the conclusion of an era. Even as we stand at the beginning of her life, we are simultaneously at an end. Her firsts signify our lasts, and it’s heartbreaking to say goodbye to something so precious.
If you’re on a similar journey, you might find it helpful to explore resources like WebMD, an excellent guide on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those considering at-home options, check out our other blog post on using an artificial insemination kit for further insights. Additionally, Cryobaby provides great resources on intracervical insemination kits.
In summary, welcoming my final baby has led me to unexpected feelings of sadness as I reflect on the milestones that will no longer be part of our family journey. While we embrace the joys of our new addition, we also mourn the end of this beautiful chapter.
Keyphrase: emotions of having a last baby
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