I decided on co-sleeping long before I became a parent. At just nine years old, I envisioned allowing my future children to sleep close to me for as long as they needed. My family had recently gone through a divorce, and the emotional strain was palpable. My younger sibling, Emma, was only four and struggled with the transition, particularly at night. I vividly recall staying up late, comforting her and sometimes even climbing into her small bed to help her drift off to sleep. In that moment, I understood the deep need for children to feel secure and close, especially at night, and I vowed to honor that when I became a mom.
When my first child arrived, the decision to co-sleep felt instinctual. Following all safety guidelines for bedsharing, it became our only way to catch some much-needed sleep, and it facilitated breastfeeding. After all, my little one craved that nightly closeness with us, and why would I deny him that?
As he grew, co-sleeping continued to be our norm. When I was expecting his brother, we transitioned him into his own bed right next to ours, a change that fit seamlessly into our family dynamic. While I do encourage my children to sleep independently, often camping out with them for a night or two, they usually gravitate back to our room. They often express, “I just want to be close to you at night. It feels better.” I find it hard to argue against that simple need for comfort.
Both of my children are otherwise independent, making friends easily and managing their emotions well. They just need that connection with us during the night. Honestly, I don’t enjoy sleeping alone either—so why should they?
Of course, sharing a bed with kids can come with its own challenges. There are nights when I find myself dodging little feet or dealing with sleep negotiations around personal space. These moments, however, provide valuable lessons in respect and boundaries for my kids.
As for navigating intimacy, that’s straightforward. With multiple rooms, slipping away after the kids are asleep or finding moments during naps or screen time isn’t complicated.
I always thought co-sleeping would phase out once my kids hit their teenage years. I remember a quote from anthropologist Dr. James J. McKenna about co-sleeping in Japan, where many families share beds well into the teen years, likening it to a river with parents on either bank and the child as the water flowing between. I kept that in mind as the years passed.
Now that my son is a teenager, I can confirm that he has transitioned to his own room, happily sleeping there while knowing our door is always open if he needs us. This arrangement isn’t suitable for every family, and I fully respect those who require their own space to sleep well. Co-sleeping doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing situation; many parents invite older children into their beds during tough nights or after bad dreams.
It’s also more common than you might think for older kids or tweens to share a room with their parents, even if it’s often a taboo topic. I want to emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with it. Kids thrive when they know their needs are valued, and it teaches them that comfort from parents extends beyond daylight hours.
Rest assured, this phase won’t last forever. Just like all stages of childhood, our children will evolve at their own pace, especially when we meet their needs along the way. For further information on home insemination, check out our other blog post here. You can also refer to this excellent resource on pregnancy for more insights. And if you’re considering at-home insemination options, Cryobaby is a great authority on the subject.
In summary, co-sleeping has no age limit in our family. It serves as a source of comfort and connection, teaching our children that their needs matter and that love and support are always close by.
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