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You May Need to Disconnect From Your Parents to Thrive
by Jessica Hartman
Updated: September 21, 2020
Originally Published: June 3, 2017
If the title of this article made you think, “Are you serious? They brought me into this world and did their best,” you might not be familiar with the complexities of toxic relationships. While it’s wonderful to have a loving family, this message is not for you. I truly wish you the best.
However, if you felt a rush of emotions—perhaps a nod of understanding or a pang of anxiety—then you likely know the struggle all too well. Sometimes, the most challenging decision we face is to sever ties with the very people who gave us life. In doing so, we can reclaim our happiness and well-being.
It’s perfectly normal to feel a sense of loss or sadness over what could have been—the ideal family moments, the holidays filled with joy, or the simple gatherings that seem to come so easily for others. You might find yourself longing for those connections, only to realize they are unattainable for you. And that reality can be devastating.
It’s understandable to have held onto hope for too long, to have endured manipulation and gaslighting, and to have offered forgiveness repeatedly without seeing any change. The painful truth is that despite your best efforts, you may have felt unheard and invalidated throughout these experiences. Dismissive remarks—labeling you as “overly sensitive” or “dramatic”—only deepen the wounds that never truly heal.
It’s crucial to reach a point where you can finally say, “Enough is enough. I’m done.” For me, that moment came nearly four years ago. Since then, I have chosen to cut contact with my mother. It’s not just my own journey; my siblings and extended family have also been affected. Family dynamics can be intricate, and disconnecting can create collateral damage.
While I cherish my siblings and remain open to their calls, I now have a new priority—my children. They deserve a mom who is emotionally healthy and stable. To become that person, I had to let go of the toxic patterns that plagued my relationship with my mother, who often made me feel unloved.
The impact of a toxic parent can linger, becoming a trigger for anxiety and emotional distress. Writing about this experience stirs up difficult emotions, but I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Many individuals face the harsh reality of having to distance themselves from their parents, even when society may not understand.
People are often surprised that I don’t include my mother in important life events or share everyday experiences with her. But this is my truth. I made the decision to step away from a dysfunctional relationship, and in doing so, I’ve found the freedom to grow into my best self and to be the kind of mom I always envisioned for my children.
For more insights into personal growth and family dynamics, check out Modern Family Blog, an authority on this topic. If you’re considering alternative paths to parenthood, you might also find our article on home insemination helpful. Additionally, for information on pregnancy and home insemination, Women’s Health provides excellent resources.
In summary, it is entirely possible—and sometimes necessary—to redefine or sever relationships with parents for the sake of your mental health and well-being. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own happiness and that of your children.