Recently, I found myself in a disagreement with a family member, which left me feeling irritable for days. I resorted to my less-than-mature coping mechanisms: slamming doors, snapping at questions, and hoarding chocolate like a squirrel preparing for winter. As a result, my family began to steer clear of me, and honestly, I couldn’t blame them.
After some reflection, I decided to sit down with my eldest child, Ava, to have an open conversation.
Me: “You’ve probably noticed I’ve been a bit cranky lately.”
Ava: (slow nod, likely apprehensive about my emotional state)
Me: “I wanted to let you know that I’m dealing with something tough, and it’s affecting my mood. I’m sorry for being grumpy, but it’s not your fault.”
Since Ava is my oldest, I shared a little about the issue weighing on me, emphasizing that it wasn’t related to her behavior. We hugged it out, and in that moment of honesty, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders—and so did she.
Sometimes, we overlook the fact that our children are as much a part of our lives as we are of theirs. I see in Ava a capacity for forgiveness that I often lack. My middle child, Ethan, brings a zest for life that helps me through tough days, while my youngest, Noah, melts my heart with his adorable mispronunciations and snuggles. I rely on them just as much as they rely on me.
That’s the beauty of family: we each contribute our own strengths and weaknesses, supporting each other through life’s ups and downs. So, why not seek emotional support from our children when needed?
Now, to be clear, there’s a fine line between sharing and burdening. It’s crucial not to overwhelm kids with adult dilemmas. They don’t need the specifics about financial struggles or marital issues. As someone who grew up anxious, I can tell you that knowing my parents were facing money troubles didn’t help me. However, sharing that I’m having a bad day is perfectly acceptable. It gives them a chance to provide support, which can encourage them to be on their best behavior until things improve.
Who knows? They might even surprise you with a heartfelt note, let you sleep in, or help with dinner because they sense you need a little extra love.
Children are naturally empathetic. If we can share our struggles in a thoughtful way, they can respond with kindness and support, just as a friend might when they learn about a difficult situation.
Guidelines for Communicating with Your Kids About Your Challenges
- Avoid Making Them Your Confidant: Children shouldn’t be tasked with keeping adult secrets. We’ve all seen kids accidentally spill embarrassing secrets in public. When discussing your struggles, ensure it’s age-appropriate and won’t cause unnecessary worry.
- Reassure Them You’re Handling the Issue: Let your child know you are managing the situation, so they don’t feel anxious. If you’re unsure how to resolve it, be honest and tell them you’re working on finding a solution.
- Be There for Them Too: Sharing your difficulties teaches them that families face challenges together and that they can rely on you when they experience their own struggles.
- Clarify They’re Not to Blame: It’s important to communicate that your frustration or sadness is not a reflection of their behavior. Kids should never feel responsible for adult problems; that’s a heavy burden for them to carry.
My children consistently amaze me with their compassion and kindness. By sharing a little of my struggles—without overloading them—I allow us all to lean on each other for support. After all, that’s what family is for, isn’t it?
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In summary, sharing your adult challenges with your kids can foster understanding and emotional support within the family, as long as it’s done thoughtfully and appropriately.