Recently, I welcomed my third child into the world—a beautiful daughter who joins her two older brothers. As we’ve stepped out with her a few times, I’ve found myself increasingly weary of the comments that people feel entitled to make about our family size. It seems that whenever folks see our little girl nestled between her brothers, they rush to declare our family “complete” based solely on her gender.
“Oh look! You finally have your girl! A perfect set!” they exclaim. Or, “You must be relieved she’s a girl so you won’t have to keep trying!” It’s baffling. I mean, I don’t even know you! What if I had hoped for another son or even planned to have more children? What if I were already expecting a fourth?
In reality, I’m not; our family is finished, but not because we predetermined that three would be our magic number. The universe had its own plans. I’m sure many families can relate to this experience.
Some parents have meticulously planned each addition to their family, while others find themselves on a path shaped by fate. Regardless of how families come together, one universal truth remains: everyone faces scrutiny regarding their choice of family size.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of judgment, isn’t it? We’ve all had those fleeting thoughts, even if we know they’re inappropriate. “Oh, just one child? That’s too bad. He needs a sibling.” “Wow, she’s pregnant again? Doesn’t she know how that works?” “Two boys and expecting again? I hope the next one is a girl.”
While many of us manage to keep such judgments to ourselves, some individuals don’t hold back from expressing them. It’s time for all of us to do better.
Consider my friends, Clara and Jamie, who had hysterectomies at ages much younger than they anticipated. Neither was “done” growing their family. Clara has one child, and Jamie has two daughters. Imagine how they must feel when someone suggests that an only child needs a sibling or when Jamie is told she should try for a son.
Then there’s my friend Alex, who has five kids—one girl followed by four boys. Yes, she planned it that way, and yes, she’s aware of how babies are made. But when people treat her family like a spectacle, it deeply affects her and her children. Would they prefer it if her boys didn’t exist at all?
I also know two families with eleven children each. Their stories are vastly different, but the outcome is the same: eleven siblings sharing their lives together. Yet, how often do people feel entitled to judge such families?
There are countless reasons behind the size of a family, and it’s impossible to gauge anyone’s story unless you’ve lived through it yourself. There’s no singular way to define when a family is “finished,” and we definitely shouldn’t be passing judgment.
Reflecting on the diverse families I know makes me cringe at my past judgments about family size. It’s time to shift our perspectives. Instead of merely silencing our critical thoughts, let’s work towards eliminating them entirely.
Parenting is a challenging journey—one that doesn’t get any easier, no matter how many children you have. Each parent carries the weight of responsibility for their little ones, whether they are raising one or eleven.
Every family has its unique beauty, and what works for one may be different for another. Instead of making assumptions about family size, let’s engage in meaningful conversations. We can discuss the joys and challenges of parenting without bringing family size into it.
For instance, rather than telling a mother of several kids that she has her hands full, compliment her on how gracefully she manages outings with her little ones. Instead of suggesting that a mom with one child should have another, maybe share how wonderful it is that she has such a great kid with her. If you see two brothers, you could express hope that they will grow to be lifelong friends.
Let’s put an end to the judgment surrounding family size. No matter how many children are in your household, we’re all navigating this parenting journey together.
If you’d like to explore more about family planning and insemination options, check out this insightful resource on intrauterine insemination here. For those considering home insemination kits, you can find valuable information here, and for more discussions on family dynamics, visit this blog.
Summary
It’s essential to refrain from making judgments about family size, as every family’s story is unique. Instead, we should support one another in our parenting journeys, regardless of how many children we have. By focusing on the shared experience of raising children, we can foster a more understanding and inclusive community.
Keyphrase: family size judgment
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]