Every parent has their moments of self-doubt and reflection. For instance, every Sunday morning, my partner and I take our twin toddlers to a music class we’ve been attending for a year now. I can still vividly recall my initial hesitation during our first session. The class emphasizes active parental participation, advocating for a philosophy of “showing, not telling” when it comes to introducing children to music—this involves singing, dancing, and even pretending to be animals playing instruments.
In essence, you have to embrace your inner goofball.
I’ve never considered myself particularly good at being “silly,” especially in public settings. However, my desire to avoid being perceived as a party pooper pushed me to fully engage. My partner, on the other hand, seemed to relish the opportunity to be goofy without the slightest reluctance.
A few months into our journey, a new family came to try out our class. By that point, I had become quite adept at flapping imaginary wings and hopping around like a rabbit. The father of the new family, however, was understandably less enthusiastic. While his wife and children joined in, he remained seated outside the circle, observing without participating, even during the “free dance” segment.
As we left the class, I expressed my relief to my partner that he wasn’t like that father. I thanked him for being willing to act silly not just in music class but in any situation that called for it. I found myself wondering if the other father ever had fun with his kids. (Ugh, it’s moments like these that make me want to hide in a vault of confessions.)
Later that day, I revisited the topic with my partner and shared my feelings of regret about judging the reserved dad. It felt crucial to voice my thoughts, even if I couldn’t communicate them directly to him. It was my way of seeking forgiveness for my judgment, albeit a judgment I knew was unfair.
A thought looped in my mind as I went about my day: Who did I think I was to judge this father? He was in a new environment that demanded a lot from him, surrounded by strangers. He could have been shy, reserved, or simply not expressive. Perhaps he was even recovering from an illness and didn’t want to risk spreading anything to the other participants.
Most importantly, he was there. He chose to be present with his family rather than staying home or waiting in the car. For all I know, once they left the class and got into the car, he could have been the one leading a sing-along. And if he wasn’t, so what? What did that one class reveal about him as a husband, father, or person? Why did I feel entitled to have an opinion on the matter?
I’m grateful I eventually recognized my judgment and reversed my thinking. However, it was astonishing how easy it was to slip into being hypercritical—almost automatic in its simplicity. This realization was both enlightening and unsettling.
The universe seemed to respond when, months later, I experienced my first significant judgment from another mother in the music class. I later learned to appreciate that mother, who may have simply reacted instinctively and regretted it afterward. But in that moment, I felt indignant and hurt. I shared my feelings with friends who had older kids, my eyes filled with tears. They chuckled (lovingly, of course) and warned me that things would only get more challenging once my sons began school.
While I’m sure they’re correct, can’t we aspire for better? I’m determined to try my best.
In conclusion, parenting is a journey filled with introspection and growth. We are all learning and evolving in our roles, and it’s essential to remember that each parent’s experience is unique.
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Keyphrase:
Judging Other Parents
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