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Motherhood struck me like a thunderbolt—a whirlwind of love, joy, and challenges that I never anticipated. With our incredibly demanding baby arriving with an unyielding intensity from day one, we didn’t even get the luxury of the “sleepy newborn” phase. There was no moment to catch our breath, no false sense of security that we could handle this parenting journey without our lives being turned upside down. Our little one needed us—desperately and constantly. It was overwhelming.
We weren’t entirely naive (okay, perhaps we were a bit). We understood that having a baby would transform our lives. We were aware of the immense care a newborn required and the sleep deprivation we would face. However, in our pre-baby mindset, we believed that all babies slept. We thought they would settle into their cribs and remain asleep unless they were hungry or needed a diaper change. We assumed that if we responded quickly to our baby’s needs, crying would be rare—how mistaken we were.
At first, we accepted the chaos, hoping things would eventually settle down. But as the days turned into weeks and the intensity didn’t wane, doubts began to creep in, fueled by unsolicited advice from every corner. We found ourselves battling our baby’s overwhelming needs rather than embracing them. Suddenly, we were caught up in a struggle against sleep associations, distinguishing between wants and needs, and navigating the emotional rollercoaster that our high-needs child presented.
It was a recipe for unhappiness and dissatisfaction as we desperately sought a way to “fix” our baby so we could return to a semblance of normalcy. It felt like we were fighting against the current.
Fortunately, after months of grappling with this reality, I finally embraced the idea of surrender, and it transformed my entire perspective. I had often heard that it was okay to let some things go when welcoming a new baby. Yet, I had unwittingly set conditions on when and for how long it would be permissible. I accepted that I might need assistance in those early weeks post-birth, but I believed that after that, I should be able to manage everything—except, of course, if I had a sick baby.
This unrealistic expectation took a toll on my self-esteem, mood, and confidence, ultimately straining my relationship with my newborn. If only he weren’t so demanding, I could have tackled the laundry!
Part of my journey to acceptance involved recognizing that permission to let things slide can last as long as necessary until I could reintroduce them into my life without sacrificing my well-being or my baby’s needs. When I had my second child just 20 months later, the combination of a high-needs toddler and a new baby meant that it took three years before I began to feel capable of managing other aspects of life again. Recently, the fog has begun to lift, and I’m slowly regaining my sense of normalcy.
While not everything can be neglected, I can assure you that the essential tasks were always addressed. We managed to fill our days with meaningful experiences. I granted myself the liberty to prioritize rest over chores and to choose relaxation over social outings whenever necessary. I needed that time to recuperate for a long period.
I carry no shame for this; I refuse to feel guilty or lazy, despite society’s expectations. Although some things fell by the wayside, I excelled in my core responsibilities—raising my children, meeting their needs day and night, nurturing them with love, and taking care of my own well-being. I can confidently say that I have been accomplishing this.
I am nurturing developing human beings. I am shaping their little minds with my love and attention. The chores can wait; my energy is being directed to the right place.
If we could truly measure the value of simply being present for our babies, I believe society would rethink its relentless pursuit of busyness. Some days it may seem like you’ve done nothing at all, but being your child’s entire world is more than enough achievement for a single day.
Every moment spent holding, comforting, nurturing, and simply being there for your child holds immeasurable value for that precious little being, your family, and the broader community. Time devoted to our babies is never wasted.
So, take this as your permission slip to let those sideline tasks slide for as long as necessary. Prioritize your sanity, your rest, and your baby’s needs. You’ve got this, mama.
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Summary
Motherhood can be overwhelming, especially with a high-needs baby. It’s essential to give yourself permission to let certain things slide while you focus on your child’s needs and your own well-being. Embracing this surrender can lead to a healthier mindset and a more fulfilling parenting experience.