Pregnancy can be a journey filled with surprises. For me, my first pregnancy was particularly unexpected. After 18 months of trying and learning that IVF would be our only option due to my husband’s low sperm count, I was shocked to see a positive pregnancy test just weeks later. With my excitement bubbling, I quickly scheduled an appointment with the first OB-GYN available, eager to confirm that everything was indeed okay.
I still remember that initial visit to her upscale office in Manhattan. As I chatted with the doctor while lying on the exam table, I suddenly felt something cold and invasive — a transvaginal ultrasound wand, which she had failed to mention before inserting. This could have been my first clue that she wasn’t the right fit for me, but seeing my little peanut’s heartbeat on the screen brought me such relief that I overlooked the awkwardness.
Two weeks later, at my eight-week check-up, I was anxious but hopeful. I was prepared for another ultrasound and thrilled to see my baby’s healthy heartbeat once more. However, my mood shifted dramatically when the doctor informed me, “You’ve gained four pounds in the last two weeks.”
Feeling confused, I responded with a simple “Uh-huh.” I had been dealing with nausea and eating mainly toast, so to me, four pounds felt manageable. But her next comment left me stunned: “You don’t really need to gain that much weight at this point.”
I turned to my husband, bewildered. “Did you hear that?” I asked, the embarrassment and anger bubbling inside me. While he tried to reassure me that she wasn’t implying I was gaining too much, I could sense I was ready to explode.
Back in her office, the doctor continued discussing stats, but her fixation on my weight returned. Without inquiring about my diet or how I felt, she launched into a lecture about how pregnancy isn’t a free pass to eat junk food. My husband finally interjected, “She’s barely eating as it is; this is just her body adjusting.”
But the OB-GYN was eager to end the appointment, dismissing us without truly engaging in our concerns. Once outside, we both agreed we wouldn’t return. The whole situation felt absurd, especially since four pounds can fluctuate daily and isn’t even a significant gain. I was also retaining water, which added to my discomfort.
What really bothered me was the dismissive tone she used. It was belittling and condescending. My husband and I felt empowered to move on and search for a provider who would respect me, listen to my concerns, and refrain from making unfounded judgments about my body. Thankfully, we found a compassionate team of midwives who were supportive of my pregnancy journey, treating me with kindness and understanding.
Reflecting back, I still feel anger towards that doctor, who somehow accumulated glowing reviews. Though I knew her comments were uncalled for and not based on any real medical concern, they still stung. They triggered memories of my own struggles with body image throughout my life, from early adolescence through the tumultuous years of high school.
Pregnancy can be a particularly sensitive time for many women, stirring up feelings related to body image, disordered eating, and mental health challenges. It’s crucial for healthcare providers to approach these topics with empathy and discretion. No one should feel shamed about their body during this vulnerable period, especially without valid reasoning to back it up.
Words carry weight, and compassion matters profoundly. The best approach when discussing women’s bodies during pregnancy is often to simply stay silent.
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In summary, I learned the importance of finding a medical provider who supports rather than shames, and how essential it is to have a compassionate approach during such a vulnerable time.
Keyphrase: OB-GYN weight shaming
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