Last week, one of my five-year-old twins faced a moment of solitude after some mischief. Honestly, I can’t quite recall what she did—it feels like parenting is often a blur of chaos and cuteness. Just like I was at her age, she’s fiercely independent with a vibrant personality packed into a little body. While her determination can test my patience, I admire her courage to challenge norms—even when those norms are set by me, her mother.
At such a tender age, she is still figuring out how to manage the whirlwind of emotions that come her way. It’s my role to guide her through these feelings, ensuring I don’t dim her bright spirit. Those very traits are what I truly love and value about her.
So, I was taken aback when, out of nowhere, she asked, “Mom, do you still love me?” She was just stepping out of timeout, twirling her hair as she approached me. I quickly scooped her up, settled us both onto the couch, and said softly, “Sweetheart, I will always love you. Nothing could change that. I might be upset for a little while, but my love for you is forever.”
Her face lit up with a genuine smile, as if the weight of her question had vanished. However, I was left puzzled, wanting to know what prompted such a question. True to her spirited nature, she skipped off to play with her brother, leaving me to grapple with my swirling thoughts.
As time passed, I felt a tightness in my throat and a knot in my stomach. Was I not showing her enough love? Why would she doubt my feelings? I express my love for her daily—didn’t she feel it?
Seeking clarity, I turned to a family friend who’s a therapist. I asked her about my daughter’s concerning inquiry. She suggested that perhaps my child didn’t feel fully reassured about forgiveness after discipline. It was a light bulb moment. I realized I had always forgiven my kids, but had I communicated that clearly enough?
A memory from my own childhood surfaced. I recalled looking up at my mother, pleading for her forgiveness, needing her reassurance to feel whole again. An impersonal, “It’s okay,” simply wouldn’t suffice; I needed those three powerful words: “I forgive you.”
That simple reminder shifted how I approach my kids’ misbehaviors. In the chaos of our daily life, I often defaulted to saying, “I still love you,” without emphasizing the importance of forgiveness. I hadn’t been taking the time to connect with them, to truly convey what forgiveness means—a fresh start, a clean slate. By not doing so, I had unknowingly deprived them of understanding the power of forgiveness.
After only a few weeks of practicing this change, the difference in my children is astounding. Most importantly, I feel a deeper connection to them. Each time I say, “I forgive you,” it opens the door for a fresh beginning. I’m instilling in them the ability to navigate a world where good people make mistakes. They need to learn when to stand firm and when to let go, knowing that some transgressions are minor enough to warrant forgiveness.
As my children grow, they will face challenges far greater than squabbling over toys or minor sibling squabbles. It’s my duty to teach them that even in their darkest moments, they are deserving of forgiveness and grace.
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In summary, recognizing the need for forgiveness in our family dynamic has reshaped my interactions with my children, fostering a deeper sense of love and connection. It’s essential that they learn the value of forgiveness—both in giving and receiving—as they navigate their lives.
Keyphrase: understanding child emotions
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