I came across a short article that caught my eye recently. It was straightforward, but the ensuing comments were completely over the top. The piece featured a mother who mentioned she wasn’t planning to take her child’s pacifier away anytime soon. Seems harmless enough, right?
You’d think so. But the commenters absolutely lost it.
It was as if she declared, “I let my child play with knives” or “My kid kicks anyone who looks at him, and I think it’s fine.” But really, all she did was say her toddler still had a pacifier. No harm, no foul.
So why the uproar? It doesn’t affect anyone else. Yet, nearly 95% of the responses were moms losing their cool over another parent’s choices.
I perused comment after comment…
- “That’s outrageous!”
- “A three-year-old still using a binky?!”
- “This is too much! Who does that?!”
- “Hope you can afford braces!”
- “Good luck with dental issues and speech problems!”
That’s when I decided to jump in and share a picture of my daughter, Lily, on her fourth birthday, proudly sporting her pacifier.
A cheeky gesture to the critics:
It only fueled the fire even more. It’s downright astonishing that so many adults get worked up over a child with a pacifier.
I rarely allow her to have it in public (say, after a long car ride). It’s mainly for naptime and bedtime. In that snapshot, she hadn’t even left her room yet. But honestly, do I need to justify it? She’s four years old and has a pacifier. End of story.
We’re well aware of orthodontic needs since all three of our other daughters have had braces. And guess what? Kids who don’t use pacifiers or self-soothe with their fingers or thumbs can still end up needing braces. Why? Because perfectly aligned teeth are not guaranteed. (I sucked my thumb until I was 12, and I didn’t need braces. Plus, I articulate just fine! My husband knows this quirky detail and still married me.) And though Lily is four and still has her pacifier, she has no speech delays or impairments. But why that matters to anyone else is beyond me.
Why can’t moms focus on their own families? Instead of peering over at my choices, how about concentrating on your own? When will we reach a point where we can share our lives online—photos or stories—without facing judgment or a litany of reasons why it’s wrong? Because honestly, it’s getting tiresome.
I don’t bat an eye if you let your kid wear makeup. It doesn’t faze me if your third grader has a phone. I’m not concerned if your little one refuses to wear a jacket or if your three-year-old isn’t potty trained. Our energy is better spent on our own families. Why waste time worrying about someone else’s choices?
So let’s give parents the freedom to raise their kids how they see fit, as long as no one is getting hurt in the process. We’re often just catching a fleeting glimpse into another family’s life, and we have no clue about their circumstances. My four-year-old with a pacifier isn’t harming anyone—especially as it keeps her happy and sleeping soundly at night.
And for those who disapprove? Well, they can deal with it.
This article was originally published on January 7, 2020.
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Summary: A mother shared her experience of posting a photo of her daughter with a pacifier, sparking an uproar among online commenters. Highlighting the absurdity of the backlash, she argues for parental freedom and the need to focus on one’s own family rather than judging others.
Keyphrase: pacifier parenting controversy
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