Lifestyle
Updated: Jan. 2, 2020
Once a month, I find myself having a mom meltdown about my cluttered home. When my partner walks through the door after work, he can see the frustration in my eyes, signaling that it’s time for my rant. I complain about the chaos on every flat surface—the socks and snack wrappers strewn across the living room rug, and the towering pile of dirty dishes waiting in the sink. And let’s not forget the five overflowing baskets of clean laundry that my family rummages through instead of neatly putting away.
My partner is understanding. I’ve explained to him repeatedly that I work, live, and play in the same environment—our home. When it’s in disarray, I feel disarrayed, too.
I’m familiar with all the cheerful sayings like “Memories are made in messy homes” or “I should be too blessed to be stressed.” Sure, I should be grateful for a house to clean, clothes to wash, and dishes to scrub. But none of these clichés alleviate my anxiety about mess. I find myself fixating on that pesky granola bar wrapper, wondering if I should pick it up to move on or wait for the culprit to return and handle their own mess. I’ve even tried the whole “wait and see” approach, where I leave an undone task in hopes someone else will notice. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work.
Having dealt with anxiety my whole life, I finally received a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder in my thirties. Believe me, I’ve tried to change my mindset, attempting to embrace those messes with a carefree attitude. But every time I get ten minutes into playing with my kids, I leap up to sweep the kitchen floor.
Messes trigger a sense of chaos and dread within me. I can’t stand having unfinished tasks piling up on my already long to-do list. So, I push myself to tackle them, even if it means a full-blown cleaning spree in the pantry. If I don’t do it, who will toss out the stale cereal and empty snack bags?
Of course, we have chore charts and reward systems for kids—if that fits your family’s style. My partner is very much a team player, doing the dishes, changing diapers, and cooking breakfast every Saturday. We’re not stuck in some outdated 1950s dynamic. However, since I spend more hours at home than anyone else, much of the household work often falls on me.
I simply cannot focus when my space resembles a disaster zone. The reality of a large family and a hectic life means there will always be messes to contend with, which only heightens my anxiety.
People often mock those who maintain a tidy home, labeling them as “neat freaks.” It’s hurtful and dismissive, especially because I know many individuals like me who struggle with anxiety impacting every facet of their lives, including their living spaces. Keeping a home organized contributes significantly to our overall well-being. When our environment is orderly, we can focus better at work, connect more with our children and partners, and worry less about the never-ending laundry.
My desire for order has nothing to do with being a germaphobe—another label that gets thrown around. I have four kids, and complete germ prevention is a myth. Sure, I wish we could avoid every stomach bug, strep throat, or flu that comes our way, but that’s unrealistic.
I accept that I will never adopt a carefree “let it go” mindset regarding my home. While I manage my anxiety through therapy, medication, and exercise, I still feel compelled to start a load of towels before I sit down to write.
If you feel the same struggle in maintaining a clean home for your peace of mind, know that you’re not alone. The assumptions made about us can sting, but we don’t have time to dwell on that—we’re too busy decluttering our kids’ closets. For further insights, check out this post from our other blog, which discusses similar themes. Additionally, if you’re interested in resources regarding pregnancy and home insemination, visit Healthline for excellent information.
In short, embracing my need for cleanliness is part of who I am. While I strive for a tidy environment, I also recognize the joy and chaos that comes with raising a family. Balance is key.
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