By: Maria Johnson
Updated: Dec. 27, 2019
Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2019
It seems that society has given intimacy a bad reputation. For years, discussing sex has been a contentious issue, but recently, more individuals have felt empowered to engage in these conversations. Unfortunately, many still view sex as something shameful rather than recognizing it as a beautiful connection between two people who care for each other. This embarrassment often leads to awkward discussions when parents learn their daughter is pregnant.
It’s not just teenagers who face this scrutiny; even women in their twenties encounter judgment for becoming pregnant. Some fathers might not speak to their daughters for days or even months after the news. In these moments, one has to wonder, who is truly acting like a child here? Refusing to communicate doesn’t fix anything.
Often, parents are less upset about their daughter’s pregnancy and more distraught that she has engaged in sexual activity. The pristine image they had of their daughter is shattered, and they can no longer pretend she is untouched. It’s as if they want to maintain the fantasy of their daughter being a saint, but once reality sets in, they must confront the truth: their daughter is sexually active.
At 21, I faced an unexpected pregnancy while in my senior year of college. When I broke the news to my mother, her disappointment was palpable. She repeatedly asked how I could let this happen. Perhaps if we’d had open discussions about sex during my upbringing, this situation could have been avoided.
After starting a relationship with my now-husband, I attempted to take charge of my sexual health by seeking birth control. I was on my father’s health insurance, but I feared that a visit to a gynecologist would reveal my intentions. So, I reached out to my mom for help. Her response was shocking; she insisted I was an adult and should handle it myself. This was the same woman who had previously urged me to inform her when I began having sex so she could assist me with birth control. When I needed her guidance the most, she was nowhere to be found.
With limited options, we resorted back to using condoms. However, as we all know, they’re not foolproof. On the day I returned from studying abroad, we got caught up in the moment and neglected to use one. Following the instructions I had seen in commercials, we bought emergency contraception, assuming it would solve everything. Unfortunately, I became part of the 5% who end up pregnant despite taking the pill.
When it was time to tell my parents, I was particularly anxious about my father’s reaction. Surprisingly, he responded with more compassion than I anticipated. He embraced me and assured me that everything would be okay. But while he didn’t voice his disappointment outright, it was clear he wasn’t overjoyed either. I couldn’t help but wonder why there was such a negative reaction. I wasn’t married, but neither was he when my mother was pregnant with me at 18.
I tried to explain to my father that I wasn’t reckless and had sought out birth control before this happened. He quickly dismissed my concerns, saying, “Gross, I don’t want to hear about that.” That’s the heart of the problem: we can’t have open discussions about intimacy with the very people who should support us the most. Instead of focusing on whether our children are being sexually active, let’s prioritize ensuring they are practicing safe sex.
This scenario isn’t unique to me; many young women face similar challenges. Parents create awkwardness even when their children are at an age where starting a family seems natural. I once read a comment from a woman who got pregnant at 22 after getting married, and her father was still upset, refusing to speak to her for days. Did he really believe that on her wedding night, she and her husband just sat around playing cards? We are adults, and we have the right to make choices regarding our bodies.
Now that I’m a mother, I’m determined to approach these topics differently with my son. The avoidance strategy clearly isn’t effective, so I plan to be honest about bodily autonomy and intimacy. My focus will not be on whether he has sex, but on ensuring he understands the importance of safe and respectful relationships.
Let’s move away from the hope that our children will remain celibate until middle age and instead guide them through the complexities of intimacy. Although I didn’t plan on becoming a mother at 22, I’m grateful for the opportunity to raise my son and make a positive impact as an empowering parent. If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out this blog post for further insights.
In conclusion, the conversation around sex and pregnancy needs to evolve. By fostering open discussions and focusing on safety and respect, we can create a healthier dialogue for our children.
Keyphrase: Understanding Parental Reactions to Pregnancy
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