I don’t drink, and the reason is deeply personal. My father had a serious drinking problem, which often landed him in jail for driving under the influence. I vividly recall him stumbling into my high school graduation, clearly inebriated. I even had to bail him out of jail with the money I earned working at a pizza place. He passed away at just 49, a number that seemed ancient to my 19-year-old self, but now, in my 30s, I recognize how young that really is. He never got to meet my children or witness major milestones in my life, like my college graduation or wedding. It’s a painful reminder that he should still be here.
That said, I have consumed alcohol in the past, but I stopped after marrying my wife. During those times, drinking felt uncomfortable, like wearing a suit that didn’t fit right. When we entered parenthood, we made a mutual decision to abstain from alcohol completely. We began practicing a faith that discourages drinking, which has helped us connect with other like-minded parents. However, as I’ve navigated the world of parenting three kids and working as a parenting writer, I often find myself standing out as the only sober parent in gatherings.
For instance, my colleague enjoys his evening “papa juice”—a gin concoction he claims helps ease the stress of putting his kids to bed. And while I can understand the allure of a drink after a long day, I often feel the weight of parenting without any assistance from alcohol. The world of parenting is inundated with memes about wine-loving moms, and I sometimes think of that classic moment in Christmas Vacation when Clark reminisces about family chaos and his father’s response about needing “help” from Jack Daniels. On occasions when I’m out with fellow parents, I find myself the only one with a soft drink, while everyone else indulges.
I’ve lost friendships over my choice not to drink, with some friends attempting to pressure me into having a drink as if it would magically improve my life. To me, this insistence is both puzzling and frustrating. Questions often arise about how I manage parenting without alcohol, as if my sobriety is some extraordinary feat. I explain my reasons: my father’s struggles, my faith, and my choice to live a fulfilling life without it. Some parents understand, but many do not, leaving me to feel like an anomaly. It’s unsettling when people fail to grasp that a valid decision to abstain from alcohol exists.
I’ve been asked if I’m a monk or told that my life must be dull without alcohol. However, I find parenting itself to be endlessly engaging. I can honestly say that I haven’t missed any significant moments in my children’s lives; I experience everything with clarity. I remember both the joyful and challenging times, feeling the love and the stress fully. I don’t crave nights out filled with alcohol. Instead, I save money and avoid the anxiety of my children sneaking into a liquor cabinet, as I did with my father. I don’t have to worry about alcohol tearing apart my family.
Ultimately, I recognize that my choice not to drink stems from my personal history. It’s a decision I stand by, even if it means feeling isolated at times. Being the sober parent sometimes leads to doubt from others or being excluded from social events, as if my presence would be a downer.
For those with non-drinking parent friends, it’s essential to respect their choices. They’ve made a personal decision not to consume alcohol, and that should be honored. They’re not strange or untrustworthy; they simply choose to live differently. So, extend an invitation, value their friendship, and don’t pressure them into drinking. Accept their choices and move on. Everyone has their reasons, and they’re valid.
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Summary:
Choosing not to drink as a parent can feel isolating, especially when societal norms often celebrate alcohol consumption. The author reflects on their personal reasons for abstaining, rooted in their father’s struggles with alcohol, and emphasizes the importance of respecting the choices of non-drinking parents. It’s crucial to acknowledge that their decision is valid and does not diminish their ability to enjoy life or parent effectively.
Keyphrase: “parenting without alcohol”
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