My son’s adoption is an open chapter in our lives—I even write about it! However, the specifics of his birth story remain private. While I’m eager to share insights with those genuinely interested in adoption, I often encounter questions fueled by mere curiosity or nosiness. In these cases, I typically respond that my son’s narrative belongs to him and his birth mother, and I prefer not to divulge it. If I’ve had a glass of wine, I might cheekily reply, “What makes you ask?”
This approach gives the asker a moment to reflect on their intentions. Why do you really want to know?
Here, I present my candid responses to some of the most common inquiries.
How old was his birth mother?
I was 32 when my son was born. But what you’re really asking is, “Was she a teenager?” This inquiry often stems from an urge to justify her choice to place him for adoption. Let me be clear: there is no appropriate scenario for this question.
Why did she place him for adoption?
First off, we use the phrase “placed him for adoption” instead of “gave him up.” The latter implies abandonment, which is not what adoption signifies. I understand your curiosity; many find it hard to imagine making the decision to place a child for adoption. If you’re interested in learning more, I suggest exploring the stories of birth mothers on social media; they can be enlightening. However, my son’s birth mother’s story is hers to tell, not mine.
What prompted you to adopt?
This question often translates to, “Were you unable to have biological children?” Personally, I’m not offended, as I did not face infertility. I chose adoption because my mother was adopted, and it’s always been a part of my family vision. But many women have struggled with infertility, making this question painful and inappropriate.
Are you planning to have any biological children?
Besides the three I already have? What you really want to know is if I’ll have more biological kids. If you need to ask about family planning, the respectful way is, “Will you have any more children?” This allows me to respond positively, whether that means adopting again or considering biological options, or simply saying, “No, I’m done with the delightful chaos of motherhood.”
Why was he born premature?
When people discover that my son arrived ten weeks early, they often ask why. Many don’t even realize he was adopted. I don’t get upset; they’re just curious. I usually explain that details about his birth mother’s pregnancy are not mine to share. I’m happy to recount my experiences, like how I was at Target when I got the call that she was in labor, or how I packed the wrong type of clothing for my first meeting with him. Anything regarding his delivery belongs to his birth mother. Most people are understanding when I say, “I can’t share those details; they’re her story.”
I love discussing my journey as an adoptive mother, but I respect the boundaries surrounding my son’s arrival. If you want to learn more about the broader aspects of adoption and child autonomy, check out this insightful piece on child autonomy. You can also explore artificial insemination techniques if you’re considering alternative paths to parenthood. For a deeper understanding of the process, this resource on artificial insemination is quite helpful.
In summary, while I’m open to discussing adoption, some questions simply tread too far. Respect for my son and his birth mother is paramount, and curiosity should always be balanced with sensitivity.
Keyphrase: adoption questions
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