In the realm of parenting and education, it’s crucial to remember that the child labeled as “that kid” is still, fundamentally, a child. Take Alex, for instance. He was taken off his ADHD medication in first grade, and from that point on, his days at a local private school were filled with trips to the principal’s office. A naturally energetic kid, Alex struggled with impulse control, something many children with ADHD experience.
“I can recall being punished more than once,” he shares. This isn’t surprising, given that his older sibling faced similar disciplinary actions for minor misbehaviors during his time at the same school. “My infractions included gluing a classmate’s chair and launching a toy arm through a fence,” Alex admits. “Needless to say, I had just one friend in first grade.”
Sadly, Alex’s experiences are typical for many children branded as “problematic,” particularly in their early school years. Many kids arrive at school unprepared in various ways: some don’t recognize letters, some struggle to count, and others grapple with impulse control, social skills, or unseen emotional trauma. Instead of receiving understanding, these children face punishment.
The Hechinger Report highlights a troubling case of a young boy on the brink of expulsion from preschool due to aggressive behavior. Upon involving an outside expert, it was revealed that the child had witnessed domestic violence at home, which ultimately clarified his disruptive actions.
Reflecting on my own school days, I remember boys like Jake, who was constantly running around and disrupting lessons, and Sam, who, despite his intelligence, was socially isolated due to his struggles with ADHD and communication. Then there was Mark, who would sit in silence, refusing to participate, ultimately becoming a target for ridicule. All of these boys probably carried significant emotional burdens or undiagnosed issues, but during that time, no one sought to understand their backgrounds.
In many educational environments, a color-coded behavior system is commonplace, assigning daily cards: green for good behavior, yellow for caution, and red for misbehavior. This system can lead to feelings of shame and anxiety, with kids internalizing labels as “bad” or “naughty.” Alex recalls, “I often found myself on yellow or red.” The emotional toll of such systems can be profound, as confirmed by David Martin, who noted that children’s reputations were shaped by their color cards, leading to empathy but also helplessness in addressing the issues faced by their peers.
Moreover, classifying behavior as simply “good” or “bad” fails to take into account a child’s emotional state or developmental needs. When disruptions occur, there is often a deeper reason behind them.
This is where Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) comes into play, offering a framework that avoids traditional punitive measures and instead empowers children to engage in their behavioral outcomes. As highlighted in a New York Times article, many children simply lack the foundational skills for self-control, such as impulse management and social understanding.
CPS shifts the focus from a punitive model of “children do well when they want to” to one that recognizes “children do well when they can.” The process begins with Plan B, where the child expresses a concern, and the adult follows suit. Together, they brainstorm solutions that address the issue without imposing adult consequences. This approach allows children to regain agency, fosters innovative solutions for behavioral challenges, and reduces suspensions.
Imagine if Alex had been given the opportunity to use CPS. “I’m worried about being punished for gluing the chair,” he might say. Instead of punitive measures, the adult could respond, “I understand your concern. Let’s discuss why that happened.” This dialogue could uncover feelings of boredom or a desire for connection, allowing for constructive outcomes rather than shame and anger.
Ultimately, even the “problem child” is just a kid, grappling with their own struggles. As adults, our role isn’t to punish but to understand. We face a choice: do we want to be enforcers or educators?
Punishment alone won’t help children learn; empowering them to navigate their choices and equipping them with problem-solving skills will. This is precisely what children like Alex truly need. For more insights on navigating parenting challenges, consider checking out resources like American Pregnancy or delve into related topics on Modern Family Blog.
Summary
The article highlights the importance of understanding children labeled as “problematic” in schools. It discusses how traditional punitive measures often fail to address the underlying issues these children face. Instead, adopting Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) can empower children and promote positive behavioral outcomes.