My close friend and I often share a sentiment when we’re fed up with a person or a situation: “People can be the worst.” When someone consistently grinds our gears, we choose to forgive but definitely not forget. In fact, we’ve created a running list of individuals who have irked us or wronged us in some way. Once you land on this list, don’t expect a way back. Sorry, not sorry.
I actually manage multiple lists for various categories, including work-related annoyances, school parents, and a special compilation just for the cable company employees I find intolerable. While I consider myself pretty easygoing, there are certain behaviors that will definitely earn you a spot on my “last nerve” list.
Yes, I maintain a well-organized roster of those who’ve crossed the line. In fact, I might need a dedicated notebook to keep track of all the obnoxious individuals in my life. Don’t worry—I can assure you that you’re probably not on my list. I said probably. But if you find yourself doing any of the following, all bets are off:
- Ring the doorbell during naptime. Are you kidding me? Let’s just say I’ll remember this when your little one finally conks out after days of sleepless nights.
- Leave a public toilet seat wet. It’s simple—just sit down like the rest of us. Nobody needs to deal with your germs, and if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be considerate and clean it up.
- Invite me to a direct sales party. Honestly, I have no interest in your “journey,” and I’m certainly not buying your miracle beauty products.
- Send mass direct messages on social media. This is usually a prelude to some sales pitch, making it extra awkward when friends start exiting the group chat without a word.
- Gossip behind my back. If you lack the guts to voice your opinions to my face, you can take a seat on my “Manure Manifest.”
- Fail to reciprocate playdates. I love having your kids over while you enjoy peace and quiet. But if you expect me to always host, you’re about to earn a spot on my “Stool Register.”
- Engage in humblebragging. Just don’t.
- Exhibit Fake Friend-itis. If you’re not genuine, you’re clogging up my life with negativity. You’ll find yourself at the top of my fecal roster.
- Constantly complain. We get it—parenting is tough. But we don’t need to hear the same grievances multiple times a day.
- Obsess over reality TV stars. If you pay too much attention to the Kardashians, consider yourself added to my list.
- Support controversial figures. If you’re a fan of certain political figures, just know you’re climbing to the top of my shit list.
- Throw colleagues under the bus. If your success comes at the expense of others, trust me, you’re not just on my list; you’re on everyone’s.
- Assume I should babysit because I’m a stay-at-home mom. I’m happy to help when needed, but don’t take my lifestyle for granted.
- Lie to me. Just don’t. It’ll land you on your own special list for deceitful individuals.
- Respond to all in group emails when it’s unnecessary. Let’s keep the inbox clear; it’s not impressive to flood it with comments.
- Refuse to tip. Always tip your server, period. Don’t come to me with excuses about poor service.
- Comment without reading the whole article. Seriously, if you can’t be bothered to read, perhaps you deserve to scrub toilets with a toothbrush.
It’s not that challenging to stay off my list. Just avoid being a complete jerk, adhere to basic online etiquette, and tip your servers. It’s really that simple. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some notebooks to stock up on because I have a feeling that list is going to grow.
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Summary
This article humorously outlines behaviors that can land someone on a personal “fecal roster” of annoyances. From being inconsiderate in public spaces to not reciprocating social gestures, the list captures pet peeves that can easily frustrate anyone. The author encourages basic decency and etiquette to avoid being added to such lists.