As the holiday season approaches, one of the biggest challenges isn’t just the hustle and bustle of gift shopping or the pressure to create picture-perfect moments. It’s prioritizing my mental health while navigating family dynamics that can be, let’s say, less than ideal. My partner and I love to go all out for the festivities, which often translates into scrambling for extra funds for gifts and cramming our schedules with family traditions that leave little room for downtime. But nothing compares to the emotional rollercoaster of heading home for the holidays.
Growing up in a family rife with dysfunction made the holidays feel like a temporary fix for deeper wounds. My mother always urged me to “savor every moment,” which was a tall order, especially after my parents’ bitter divorce when I was young. This led to an ongoing tug-of-war between my parents and a forced estrangement from my father’s relatives, while I was also pressured to connect with my mother’s unpredictable family members.
While I cherished the joyful moments, I often found myself needing the rest of the year to recover from the emotional fallout. As a child, I lacked the skills to set boundaries and was a chronic people pleaser. I would smile through inappropriate comments about my body and turn a blind eye to unwanted physical attention. When my aunt would erupt in one of her infamous rants, I’d retreat to a closet with my younger cousins, pretending everything was fine.
Now, as a mother in my thirties with several years of therapy behind me, I know the importance of prioritizing my mental wellbeing. After overcoming a year marked by suicidal thoughts, a surprise PTSD diagnosis, and years of battling disordered eating, I’ve made it clear: my mental health takes precedence. This year, I’m putting my own oxygen mask on first, and I plan to enjoy the holiday season to the fullest.
With my family gathering approaching after a long hiatus, I’ve been brainstorming ways to maintain my internal peace before attempting to keep the peace externally. Here are a few strategies I’ve come up with, though I’m no therapist—just a woman determined to shed limiting beliefs and unhealthy shame.
1. Remember That Taking Space is Always an Option.
This realization has been a game-changer. I’m fully aware that if things heat up, I have every right to step outside, take a breather, and collect my thoughts. Whether it’s a solo coffee run or a quick walk around the block, I’ll remind myself that I’m not trapped in uncomfortable situations, especially when family members start probing into topics I’d rather avoid.
2. Create a Buffer Between Me and My Relatives.
Teamwork makes the dream work, especially when it comes to family gatherings. I’ll be having honest conversations with my partner before the chaos ensues, establishing a plan for when tensions rise. Maybe we’ll even come up with a discreet code phrase—like “Could you grab the extra sparkling water from the car?”—to signal when I need an escape.
3. Keep My Support System Close.
I’ll stay connected with my therapist and my trusted friends, who understand the emotional complexities I face. Engaging in online communities for trauma survivors can also provide solace. I won’t bottle up my feelings; I’ll allow myself to express them and remember that my family dynamics don’t have to feel like a scene from a bad action movie.
4. Assert My Needs and Maintain Boundaries, Even If It’s Uncomfortable.
The holidays often bring out the façade of perfection, but when the pressure becomes too much, I’ll choose to speak up rather than suffer in silence. If Uncle Joe makes an inappropriate comment or Grandma Lily asks about my weight, I’ll calmly address it. Setting boundaries may create temporary discomfort, but it’s vital for my peace of mind. Remember, the act of walking away is a powerful boundary in itself.
5. Know That Family Gatherings Aren’t Mandatory.
No one is forcing me to endure visits from those who drain my energy or remind me of past traumas. I don’t have to attend every gathering, nor do I need to invite everyone over. For a truly Merry Christmas, all I need is my partner and kids in cozy pajamas, enjoying our favorite holiday movie. This realization is liberating and essential for those of us with tumultuous backgrounds.
Ultimately, you deserve to embrace this special season without guilt or unrealistic expectations. If you’ve worked hard to heal, it’s time to protect your peace. Remember, you’re an adult now, and you have the power to decide who gets to share in your joyful moments. Instead of feeling obligated to rescue others, kick back, relax, and enjoy the holiday spirit!
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Summary
The holiday season can be a source of stress, especially when it involves navigating complicated family dynamics. Understanding the importance of mental health, setting boundaries, and knowing when to take a step back can help you enjoy the festivities without unnecessary drama. Remember, you have the power to choose who shares in your holiday celebrations.
Keyphrase: How to maintain peace with family during the holidays
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