Abstract:
This article discusses the experiences of a parent navigating gender perceptions with their two children, who exhibit androgynous traits. It highlights the importance of allowing children the freedom to express themselves beyond traditional gender norms and emphasizes that misgendering is often inconsequential.
As a parent of two children with androgynous appearances, I often experience the interesting dynamics of gender perception. My son, from infancy, has frequently been mistaken for a girl—largely due to his striking eyelashes and charming features. Now that he’s older, the long hair has become the main reason strangers misidentify him. It is quite uncommon for someone unfamiliar with him to refer to him as a “he.”
My daughter, born after him, tends to wear many of his hand-me-downs, combined with some floral outfits and dresses I’ve added to her wardrobe. However, her attire often includes jeans, black hoodies adorned with dinosaur spikes, and gray T-shirts featuring motorcycles or bears. Unlike her brother, she didn’t inherit his luxurious hair and sports a more modest hairstyle. While less frequent than in her brother’s case, she too is often described as a cute little boy.
In most situations, I choose not to correct others when they misgender my children. Typically, they are not paying attention enough to notice. If my son does catch it, he sometimes takes the initiative to clarify. I am perfectly fine with that approach. Generally, we let these instances slide because they hold little significance. Misgendering does not ruin our day.
However, when I do find it necessary to correct someone—especially in settings where we might meet again, like playgroups—I am met with a wave of apologies. People often look genuinely embarrassed, exclaiming, “I’m so sorry!” But honestly, it’s not as if they’ve committed a grave offense. Misusing a pronoun is minor; let’s just move forward.
I’ve found it particularly amusing how horrified people were when they misidentified my children as babies. Who can really discern gender from a swaddled infant giving off that delightful “new baby” scent? Once a doctor announces the gender, I feel there is no need for further confirmation.
This is why I don’t bother correcting strangers; their guesses hold no weight. I don’t take offense because I appreciate that my children are growing up with a more nuanced understanding of gender. My son, at four, is just beginning to differentiate between boys and girls. He understands his identity as a boy and recognizes his sister as a girl but does not show any inclination toward gendered preferences.
They share interests across the spectrum, both enjoying trucks and dolls alike. Their favorite shows include Blaze & the Monster Machines and Shimmer and Shine, though I wouldn’t mind if those weren’t on their radar. They revel in puzzles, coloring, outdoor play, and competing to see who can be the loudest until I feel my sanity slipping.
Observing their natural inclinations without pressure to conform to gender norms has been enlightening. My son is gentle and enjoys quiet moments with books, while my daughter is adventurous, often found swinging from ceilings or dressing up anything she can find. My son shows interest in makeup and home improvement projects alongside Dad, while my daughter loves having her hair styled and seeking the highest spots on playgrounds. Each day, their personalities reveal new surprises.
So, there’s no need to fret about accurately identifying where they fit on the gender spectrum. Whether you guess correctly or not is a 50/50 shot, and it’s not a contest where anyone wins or loses. No need for apologies.
My children are simply that—children. They have a lifetime ahead of them to embody the roles of girl and boy. For now, I cherish the joy of watching them be themselves.
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Summary:
This article reflects on a parent’s experience with their two androgynous children, emphasizing the minor significance of misgendering. It champions the idea of broadening gender perspectives for children, illustrating their diverse interests and personalities without the constraints of traditional gender roles.
Keyphrase: misgendering children
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