The recent surge of the 10-Year Challenge on social media has led me to reflect on the me of 2009. Back then, I was a new mom navigating the chaotic waters of raising twin girls, and honestly, I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by cuteness, bottles, diapers, breast pumps, tears, and the isolating feeling of being alone with two crying infants. When people asked how I was doing, I always gave the same rehearsed response: “I’m good.” “We’re all good.” “Everything is just fine.”
Ten years ago, I was utterly exhausted, hormonal, and stubbornly resistant to asking for help. I was in this together with my partner, yet I insisted, “I’ve got this” — which really meant “figure out what I need without me saying a word.” He was grappling with the changes of parenthood too, while trying to decipher whether to grab a bottle or take cover.
If this doesn’t resonate with you, well, count your blessings. I’m no longer ashamed to admit that I was quite the mess a decade ago. Back then, I worked tirelessly to conceal my struggles from anyone who dared to peek into my life. When you repeatedly claim that “there’s nothing wrong,” people either start to believe you or hesitate to reach out. Either way, I found myself stranded on my own island of isolation, far removed from support.
In 2009, I was submerged in the depths of motherhood, constantly battling the waves of baby demands that often left me gasping for air. Yet, amid all of this, I was deeply in love with my daughters, which made it even more confusing. I felt like I was hanging by a thread, unable to see beyond the next few hours, let alone a year or a decade ahead. My main concern was simply keeping these little beings alive for another day, ensuring their diapers stayed dry, and trying to heed the advice to “sleep when they sleep.”
Survival was the name of the game back then, and while it was far from thriving, I managed to put on a brave face for the world outside, as long as I had enough time to prepare myself.
Perspective, my friends, is everything. I didn’t realize how fleeting time is, and although I felt like years had gone by, it was merely months. I didn’t understand that asking for help didn’t equate to being a failure as a mom; it was actually a sign of strength and sanity. “Fine” became my prison cell, and I voluntarily remained locked inside for far too long. I unintentionally pushed away the person closest to me, missing out on precious moments of peace in favor of stress.
From my limited perspective, I believed I was doing what was necessary. As the primary caregiver, I found it tough to relinquish any responsibilities due to the fear of inadequacy. I felt that if I couldn’t handle it all, I was failing at parenting in every aspect. I harshly criticized myself daily while remaining silent apart from the constant refrain of “everything is fine.”
Fast forward ten years, and I wish I could embrace that new mom. I wish I could grant her a few uninterrupted hours of sleep. I wish I could tell her that the challenges of today are just a brief blink in the grand scheme of motherhood. And I would chuckle and tell her that this phase is the easier part. The me in 2019 would leave the 2009 version in disbelief! If she had the energy, 2009 me might just try to argue with me and call me a liar.
Perspective can be tricky! It can blind us and dull our senses, yet it’s also what drives us forward. We often operate based on limited information that we think is the truth. This perspective gives us passion but also builds walls around us. We cling to our own truths, treating them like sacred texts, while the world continues to change around us. What good does that do us?
The exhausted mom in this picture had just taken her babies for their first vaccinations. They could only sleep while nestled against me, with one resting on my chest. I can still recall the sweet smell of their hair. I remember this moment vividly when my sister captured it. At the time, I thought, “I look awful, and all I want is sleep. Please, just let me be!”
In 2009, I was doing the best I could with the knowledge I had. We can’t fault ourselves for what we didn’t know then. What we can do is strive to do better when we gain new insights. Those tiny humans are now in fifth grade, and occasionally, they still cuddle up with me at bedtime. The difference now is that I cherish these moments because my perspective has shifted. My heart and eyes are now open.
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Summary
The 10-Year Challenge prompted reflections on the struggles of motherhood, emphasizing how perspective shapes our experiences. The author shares her journey from isolation and overwhelm to understanding and appreciation of the fleeting moments of parenthood. By acknowledging the growth over a decade, she highlights the importance of seeking help and being open to change.
Keyphrase: 10-Year Challenge Parenting Perspective
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