When I picked up my 4-year-old son Max from preschool, he came running up to me, tears streaming down his face. Apparently, he had just constructed a sentence so explosive that it required a teacher’s intervention. After a brief moment of sobbing, he blurted out, “Mommy, I told everyone that my sister has a stinky bottom and needs to go to the toilet. Mrs. Green said I can’t use bathroom words at school!”
With wide eyes, he then asked the most innocent yet hilarious question: “Mommy… what’s a bathroom word?”
I had to stifle a laugh, knowing that finding humor in this would only complicate things further. I hugged him tightly and assured him that mistakes are okay. We would discuss it more in the car. Looking over at Mrs. Green, I smiled sheepishly and mentioned that we hadn’t really had a conversation about “bathroom words” yet. There’s a reason for that: my partner and I only restrict words in our home when they’re used to harm others.
Yes, you heard that right. I let my 4-year-old use “potty words” throughout our house, and I genuinely don’t care what anyone thinks about it.
Within the safe space of our home, we allow cursing as long as it’s not meant to insult anyone, and “poop” is just a fun word that may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Instead of imposing strict house rules, we teach our kids to respect boundaries and personal space. They understand that while it’s okay to be silly at home, they also need to be courteous in public settings like school.
We’ve explained to them that not every conversation requires a curse word, and some people can be grossed out by discussions about bodily functions—especially while eating. That’s why my son can drop an F-bomb like it’s nothing at home, but he hasn’t let it slip at school yet.
The only reason I think Max dared to discuss bottoms in front of his teacher was that we’ve started introducing the idea that bathroom talk can be sensitive for some people. We generally don’t make a fuss about his inclination to use “bathroom-style” language, either.
When he tearfully confessed to saying something against school policy, I made sure to tell Mrs. Green that we’d help him understand why those words aren’t appropriate in the classroom moving forward. However, I didn’t feel the need to apologize for what he said; he simply described his sister in a funny way. I certainly didn’t want to shame him for his curiosity. Spoiler alert: I don’t mind if my kids accidentally say something “wrong” in public.
Let’s be clear—I’m not encouraging my son to go around hurling offensive language at anyone whenever he feels like it. I don’t just sit back and allow disrespectful behavior, either. We emphasize kindness, equality, and acceptance in our home, and we have zero tolerance for hate. But I will never pressure my son to feel bad for wanting to explore language, even if it includes the occasional curse word. Max understands, as much as a preschooler can, the context of why certain words are used in specific situations. At home, he feels safe to express himself and explore his vocabulary without fear of harsh consequences.
I want to highlight something important here: my partner and I strive to create a judgment-free zone where our children can experiment, embrace new ideas, and bravely make mistakes. We discuss everything openly, provide natural consequences for crossing boundaries, and are always ready with hugs. This approach has led to kids who aren’t afraid to ask for help, get messy, and love wholeheartedly. It has definitely given my son the confidence to thrive in preschool.
At Max’s first parent-teacher conference this year, his teachers praised his inclusiveness, generosity with classmates, willingness to ask for help, and emotional openness with adults. While hearing all that feedback is wonderful, what matters most to me is that my son feels comfortable enough to stumble through life and share those experiences with me.
Ultimately, my goal isn’t just to raise a socially acceptable child. I know that this perspective may clash with traditional parenting norms, and that’s perfectly fine with me. I refuse to have my family adhere to outdated traditions simply because they’ve been followed for generations. My own experiences have taught me that conditioning children to strictly “behave” often leads to long-lasting shame. I’m still grappling with the inner turmoil stemming from childhood trauma, which has left me wary of trusting others and overly critical of myself.
I will never endorse a parenting style that leans into shame, regardless of how much fear-induced politeness it may instill in children. More than anything, I aim to raise a child who loves herself and others, feels safe to express her identity, and is open to taking bold risks in life. I want her to embrace joy, silliness, and endless wonder.
If belting out original songs about bodily functions gives my son the wings to soar, then this mama bird is all for it. I will never mind if my spirited child uses potty words in our home, and I stand by this approach wholeheartedly.
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In summary, I prioritize raising children in an environment that allows them to express themselves freely, experiment with language, and learn from their interactions, all while fostering kindness and respect for others.
Keyphrase: Parenting and potty words
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