By: Jamie Collins
Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: December 21, 2016
In many households, the holiday season often illuminates the pervasive gender disparities in domestic responsibilities. The months leading up to this festive time are already packed with obligations, such as managing childcare, meal preparation, and the relentless pressure to maintain job performance—all while navigating the added stress of unexpected challenges, like a sudden caregiver resignation.
As the holiday season approaches, the to-do list expands exponentially. There are gifts to procure and wrap, party invitations to respond to, and various events that require specific attire for the children. One must pause to consider how many of these details occupy the minds of their partners. If you’re counting, the answer is likely “none.”
When it comes to purchasing those “shared” gifts—despite a collective resolution to limit materialism in a world that seems to be spiraling toward chaos—one must prioritize who receives gifts. While presents for the children and close family members tend to generate manageable levels of anxiety, it’s the obligatory gifts for teachers, staff, and acquaintances that can lead to overwhelming stress.
Interestingly, I don’t have to fret over holiday obligations linked to yard care or doorman services, which is a small mercy during this time. However, the mental load of deciding whom to gift weighs heavily, especially as resources, both emotional and financial, dwindle.
Consider the time spent contemplating gifting decisions, such as distinguishing between our children’s long-term piano instructor and the new karate teacher. The answer to how much time the men in our lives dedicate to such dilemmas? A generous estimate would yield another round of “zero.”
Though we opted out of sending holiday cards, I still feel compelled to select an appropriate design that respects my partner’s cultural background while reflecting our family’s values. I cherish the tradition of holiday cards and the memories they encapsulate, despite the inevitable chaos that ensues when it’s time to mail them. The absence of stamps, unknown addresses, and a lack of technical know-how on tasks like mail merges complicates the process further.
Meanwhile, I grapple with invitations to cookie parties—events that demand a dozen homemade cookies, causing my stress levels to surge. The idea of baking induces a sense of dread, as I lack a go-to cookie recipe. My “signature” dessert is simply ice cream, which I strategically hide to avoid sharing.
As for my partner, he remains blissfully unaware of the cookie-decorating events, where children often end up in tears over their creations. Surrounded by other weary mothers, the obligation to partake in these gatherings feels overwhelming. The result is a sugar-fueled frenzy that leaves everyone longing for a moment of respite.
Despite my exhaustion and the relentless migraines that follow the holiday hustle, my husband often questions why I feel overwhelmed. To him, December merely adds a few extra tasks to the calendar. My response? I raise my hand, form a circle with my fingers, and whisper, “zero.”
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In summary, the holiday season often highlights the unequal distribution of domestic responsibilities, leaving one partner to shoulder the majority of the mental and emotional load. While the chaos can be overwhelming, understanding and sharing these burdens is essential for a more balanced approach to family life.
Keyphrase: Holiday Stress and Gender Roles
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