By: Jessica Lane
As I sit down to write, I find myself in my trusty, worn-out pajama pants—yes, the ones with a tear in the fabric—and a T-shirt that has seen better days. My hair is hastily pulled back into a ponytail, not the polished look that you might aspire to, but rather the result of a frantic morning where every second counts. Glasses perched on my nose, I’m fully embracing the “I-just-rolled-out-of-bed” aesthetic.
Sure, I wore those pajama pants during school drop-off, but I had a coat to cover them—so surely nobody noticed, right?
It’s early, and I’m in what I like to think of as the “safe zone,” where many mothers look just as frazzled as I do—overwhelmed by the daily grind and putting everyone else’s needs before their own. But as the hours pass, the caffeine kicks in, and the routine begins: showers are taken, jeans and bras are donned, and maybe a touch of makeup is applied. Hair and teeth get a much-needed grooming session.
Unless, of course, they don’t.
We all have days when the motivation to accomplish anything vanishes into thin air. The yoga pants remain on (because, let’s be honest, “yoga” is a loose term here), dishes accumulate in the sink, and you might binge-watch shows you’ve recorded instead of tackling the day. And while these days are essential for mental health, providing a break from the chaos, they shouldn’t become the norm.
When those days turn into a regular occurrence, you may find yourself teetering on the edge of “frumpy.” While the term itself can elicit a chuckle, it’s a serious state of being. Having transitioned from high-maintenance to low-maintenance and now striving for balance, I understand how easy it is to fall into the frumpy trap.
Frumpiness manifests as an inability to care for yourself. It’s allowing personal hygiene to slip, feeling guilty for wanting to shower or get dressed, and ultimately, feeling like you’ve failed—both as a mother and as a woman. You might isolate yourself, avoiding social situations because you’re ashamed of how you’ve let yourself go.
The initial allure of frumpiness is its deceptive simplicity. I remember when I first embraced it; life felt overwhelmingly busy, and cutting corners seemed practical. I thought I was prioritizing what truly mattered—my family and home—when in reality, I was slowly losing my sense of self.
Frumpiness can feel like a relief at first, but it quietly takes over your life, eroding your confidence and dulling your shine. Eventually, you may look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you—it’s almost as if you’ve forgotten how to care for yourself.
I know this struggle all too well. At times, it feels as though I’m on the verge of slipping back into that frumpy state. But the antidote to this is self-care. Sometimes it starts with the basics—like making time to shower more frequently. Gradually, you can move on to nurturing your hair, moisturizing your skin, or even pulling together a stylish outfit that includes real pants.
But remember, this is not about anyone else; it’s about reclaiming your self-worth. You deserve the effort it takes to feel good about yourself—even if it means letting the dishes sit a little longer or skipping the kids’ bath to enjoy a relaxing soak in the tub.
Reinvesting in yourself was the best decision I made—not just for my well-being, but for my family. They thrive in a home where I’m not just a shell of a person, mechanically fulfilling duties. It doesn’t happen overnight, but even small changes can lead to a significant transformation. Reclaim your power and rediscover the joy of self-care because, mama, you are invaluable. It’s time to start treating yourself with the love and respect you deserve.
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