This past weekend, my partner and I found ourselves at a family wedding, enjoying a rare night out without our kids. Even though our oldest child is now in middle school and could handle a night alone, our youngest still needs supervision, which means arranging for babysitting can be quite the juggle.
In comparison to the chaos of those early parenting years, this situation feels like a breeze. When our children were tiny, even if we managed to secure a babysitter, the bedtime routine often turned into a disaster. Late nights and cranky mornings were the norm. And let’s not even talk about the breastfeeding phase when I was practically glued to my baby. Going out was nearly impossible, and I was hesitant to leave them in someone else’s care, knowing they’d likely be fussy and refuse the bottle.
About an hour into the wedding, I ran into my partner’s cousin, who mentioned that his sister, a mother of a toddler, wasn’t able to attend. Their absence stood out, particularly since they usually make it to family gatherings. I casually sent my love to her, and he responded in what seemed like an apologetic tone, saying, “You know, it’s tough to get away with the little one.”
This sparked a mini-rant in me about how parents shouldn’t feel the need to apologize for missing events. Seriously, no parent should ever have to explain why they can’t make it to a gathering when they have young kids. It’s completely understandable that from birth to about age five (or older, since every child is different), there should be no assumptions about a parent’s ability to attend events, especially those not suitable for children.
Even if kids are welcomed, there are many reasons a parent might not attend—like late-night events disrupting bedtime or the hassle of traveling. The reality is, if an event is truly significant—like a birth or a funeral—parents will use their judgment and do their best to be there. No one is trying to be dismissive or inconsiderate.
Sure, there are times when parents need to stretch their boundaries and bring their kids along, but it’s ultimately up to them to decide when those moments are appropriate. It frustrates me how others often presume to know when a parent should make those sacrifices.
Many people, particularly older generations, forget just how demanding young children can be. They may not realize how every minute is accounted for and that our lives are genuinely hectic. Most of us don’t have babysitters readily available, and the financial strain can make it difficult to hire help even if we wanted to. We’re often balancing work, housework, and childcare—sometimes all at once.
So, no, Brenda, it isn’t easy for us to carve out a few hours for a gathering. Unless you’re involved in our daily lives, you don’t get a say in what we can or cannot do. Period.
Therefore, I proclaim that parents of young children should be granted a free pass when it comes to attending events outside the home, even family ones. They don’t owe anyone an explanation for their absence. When someone learns that a parent can’t attend a wedding or family get-together, the response should simply be, “Of course they can’t come; they have a little one.” And that’s that.
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In summary, parents shouldn’t feel pressured to justify their decisions when it comes to attending events. The demands of raising young children are immense, and understanding this can foster a more compassionate community.
Keyphrase: Parents should not explain absences from events
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