My mind races and my heart pounds when I receive a text from a friend saying, “I need to talk to you,” only to have them disappear from the conversation. Instantly, my imagination kicks in—what could be wrong? Did I say something offensive? Is it about something serious with their family?
Living with generalized anxiety is no small feat. I’ve struggled with this condition for as long as I can remember, yet I didn’t receive an official diagnosis until my thirties. This prompted me to start taking anxiety medication after trying various natural remedies didn’t suffice. I also began therapy for the first time. These choices marked pivotal moments in my journey through anxiety.
Despite medication, mindfulness practices, healthy habits, and therapy, anxiety still lingers. It has transformed from a controlling force to an occasional nuisance. However, I still find myself spiraling into anxiety under certain triggers. For instance, the sterile scent of hospitals—the whiff of antiseptic that greets you in medical facilities—can send me into a panic, evoking memories from my past as a breast cancer survivor and type 1 diabetic.
Similarly, car accidents are another trigger for me. As a child, I was involved in a significant pile-up in Chicago, which left me shaken and terrified, despite my family escaping injury. The feelings of vulnerability from that incident still haunt me today.
While many people experience normal anxiety about common situations like public speaking, someone with generalized anxiety disorder might transform a simple occurrence into a catastrophic scenario, often experiencing physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat, dizziness, or muscle tension. Other forms of anxiety include social anxiety and selective mutism.
In the case of my friend, she simply wanted to share a frustrating encounter involving a disrespectful comment made about her child. Her message, although it felt urgent to me, was merely her way of seeking support and venting frustration. Nobody was in danger.
I’ve often been hard on myself regarding my anxiety. I’ve come to accept that a quick 20-minute meditation or a few deep breaths won’t magically fix it. It’s like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound—it might provide temporary relief, but it doesn’t address the root issue.
Negative self-talk is counterproductive, and dismissive comments from others—like “just relax” or “take a deep breath”—only amplify the anxiety. These phrases have never helped me; rather, they left me feeling more anxious, as if I should just be able to shake it off like everyone else seems to.
So, why do people often suggest taking a deep breath during a panic attack? According to Dr. Lisa Carter, a neuropsychologist, a technique called Belly Breathing can indeed help calm the nervous system, but it requires proper training to be effective. Simply telling someone to take a deep breath without any guidance isn’t enough.
How to Support Someone with Anxiety
If you care for someone struggling with anxiety, what can you do to help? Dr. Carter recommends avoiding dismissive phrases like “you’re overreacting.” Instead, try breaking down their fears into manageable pieces. The anxious person is navigating very real feelings, even if they seem irrational to outsiders.
During a panic attack—which may manifest as shortness of breath, trembling, and overwhelming fear—supportive friends or family can help by guiding them to a quieter space and engaging them in a distraction, such as asking them to recite the alphabet backward or describe an object in the room. If they’re on fast-acting medication, simply sitting with them until it takes effect can be reassuring.
Controlled breathing can be a powerful tool, but it’s not a cure-all. Anxiety is complex and can’t be easily tamed with simple advice. The best approach is one of empathy, acceptance, and distraction—not assumptions.
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Summary
Supporting someone with anxiety requires understanding and patience. Dismissive comments can worsen their feelings, while empathetic listening and calm distractions can offer relief. Remember, anxiety is complex, and there’s no simple fix.
Keyphrase: Supporting someone with anxiety
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