It’s incredibly tempting to take control of your child’s educational journey. One moment, your little one is joyfully squishing bananas into their face, and the next, they’re around 12 years old, showcasing a knack for disassembling the family computer, upgrading its RAM, and setting up a lightning-fast home network. Naturally, the thought that crosses your mind is: THIS CHILD IS DESTINED TO BE THE NEXT TECH TITAN and must major in computer science!
At that moment, you might feel compelled to dictate their high school course load, the college they’ll attend, and the specific classes they’ll take. It’s thrilling! You’ve nurtured a budding computer whiz! Yet, it rarely occurs to you that your kid might dream of becoming a high school art teacher, a firefighter, or even a hairstylist.
More often than not, your well-meaning intentions are met with the eye-roll-inducing response: “Mom, isn’t it my future?” To which you might retort, “Well, I’m financing your college education, so it’s not entirely your choice.” This kind of exchange often results in a generation of unhappy college students, trudging through four years of a preordained path. They may graduate with degrees that might (if they are fortunate) fill their pockets, but do little to satisfy their souls.
Sharon Reed, a college professor, emphasizes the importance of letting students select their own majors in an article for The Washington Post. She’s witnessed countless students in her office expressing their frustrations about parental pressures to pursue specific fields. Many feel trapped and anxious, scared to share their true aspirations with their parents. Reed notes, “They’re not upset about grades or roommate issues; they’re distressed because they’re unhappy with their major. Too often, I hear students say, ‘My parents want me to study this,’ when they have no genuine interest in it. Parents mean well, but pushing kids into majors they don’t care about is a disservice.”
In today’s world, many parents have transitioned from micromanaging trivial middle school activities to scrutinizing the significant decisions that could shape their children’s futures. While the former may be merely annoying, the latter can lead to serious, lasting consequences—more than most realize.
The rise in anxiety and depression among college students across the nation is alarming, and Reed argues that the fear of disappointing parents plays a significant role. She recalls one student who broke down in tears during office hours over his ‘C’ in calculus, terrified of telling his parents, who envisioned him as an engineer, that math wasn’t his forte nor a source of happiness for him.
Reflecting on my own experience, I never consulted my parents about my college classes or major. They had no say in where I chose to attend college either. That was a different era—over 25 years ago—when 17-year-olds were often more mature than today’s teens, long before “adulting” became a buzzword. My parents encouraged me to explore various subjects and discover who I was, rather than pressuring me to prepare for a predetermined career.
I must admit, the prospect of my son choosing his college major makes me anxious. I often find it challenging to resist suggesting what I think he might excel at or enjoy. For now, he simply shakes his head and reassures me, “Mom, I’ll figure it out.” I’m learning to embrace this, recognizing that my happiness is tied to his. If that means he pursues a path completely different from what I envisioned but finds joy in it, then I will support him.
In summary, the decision about what to study in college should rest with your child. Their happiness and fulfillment will ultimately lead to their success, whether or not it aligns with your expectations.
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