Just 24 days. That’s all it took for my five-year-old son, Oliver, to be asked to leave kindergarten. Daily incidents of hitting, kicking, and even spitting left both his classmates and their parents understandably upset. The teacher had reached her limit, or so we were informed.
“We want him to thrive,” the school leadership conveyed to my husband and me. “But we believe this environment isn’t the right fit for his success.”
We had enrolled Oliver in a private school, hoping it would provide the individual attention he needed, especially since we suspected he might have ADHD. In pre-K, he struggled with aggression, focus, and staying still. After weeks of collaboration with his teachers, specialists, and support from a compassionate preschool director, we had made significant progress.
We believed kindergarten would follow a similar path. With a lower student-teacher ratio than our public school, we thought this environment would help him navigate this crucial transition.
Behavior like Oliver’s isn’t as rare as one might think. Often, aggression in young children stems from a slower development of impulse control rather than external factors like trauma or neglect. According to Psych Central, “Children who exhibit excessive aggression may have less mature nervous systems than their peers, leading to challenges with self-regulation. Once they become excited or angry, they struggle to restrain themselves.”
I’m committed to supporting my son through this. I hope others will, too.
Despite understanding that such behavior is common among young children, I took Oliver’s actions very seriously. Each day, I dropped him off with a prayer, hoping our conversations about kindness would resonate. I wished for him to remember to “stop and take a deep breath” during moments of anger or anxiety, as we practiced together. Most importantly, I wanted everyone to stay safe.
Behind the scenes, we were working diligently. A behavior specialist shadowed Oliver at school, while my husband and I explored recommended books and techniques. We consulted with a doctor who noted that although Oliver displayed symptoms of ADHD, he was still too young for a formal diagnosis.
Yet, on day 24, we found ourselves picking up Oliver along with his belongings. As he said goodbye, nearly every child in the class came over to give him a heartfelt group hug. It was a moment that nearly brought me to my knees.
The following day, we enrolled him in our local public school, ready to tackle the same challenges in a new setting. I signed up for individualized training with a behavior expert, costing $350 per hour, and my husband and I also enrolled in a free parenting class offered by the school district focused on addressing challenging behaviors.
I was shocked by how unprepared, or perhaps uninterested, the private school seemed in dealing with behavioral issues. It was disheartening to see how easily they moved on from a five-year-old child. But I felt an even deeper sadness for families lacking the financial means or time to secure the specialized support we could access through our middle-class lifestyle. What will happen to those children? How will they find the help they need?
As a society, we have a long way to go in addressing child development. Kindergarten should be a nurturing space for every child. I take my son’s challenges seriously, but I am also determined to help him overcome them.
I will not give up on him, and I hope society won’t either.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Claire Thompson shares the challenges she faced when her son, Oliver, was expelled from kindergarten after just 24 days due to behavioral issues. Despite their prior efforts to tackle his aggression and focus issues, the private school deemed it an unsuitable environment for him. Claire expresses concern not only for her child but also for other families who may lack resources. Her determination to support Oliver through his struggles highlights the need for societal understanding and support for children facing developmental challenges.
Keyphrase: kindergarten behavior challenges
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