In my 49th year, I find myself grappling with both minor and major concerns—often, I’m just grappling with the heat, all the time.
The initial “wave” of this challenge struck me during a business trip to California with my partner a few years back. “It’s peculiar,” I remarked, watching the sunset from our hotel room. “I think I have a fever, but I don’t feel particularly sick. Maybe I’m fighting off a virus.” Spoiler alert: It wasn’t a virus.
It was the change—this phenomenon known as menopause. I had always thought it was a distant concern for “older” women. At 49, I hardly consider myself old, so why does this feel so sudden? Yet, here comes another hot flash, crashing over me like waves against the shore, forcing me to pause and breathe, resisting the urge to shed my clothing in public, eliciting puzzled glances from younger colleagues and knowing smiles from those who have been down this road.
Who decided to call this “menopause”? It’s not a pause; it feels like the conclusion of several chapters.
This marks the end of those familiar monthly cycles that began at 13, save for a few years of pregnancy and nursing. It signifies the end of my reliance on estrogen. I once battled nicotine addiction, managing to quit before becoming a parent, which was no small feat. Yet, let me tell you, the grip of estrogen is far more intense. I could easily play the part of a drug addict in a film—sweating and shaking included.
It also means saying goodbye to the predictable dance of my metabolism. Gone are the days of knowing exactly what to do to shed a few pounds; nothing seems to melt away as easily anymore!
But let’s not forget, menopause ushers in new beginnings. It brings surprises like rapidly sprouting facial hair, sleepless nights, mood swings, and a plethora of other delightful experiences yet to come. Some things, I hope, remain on pause—like my love for scarves and anything that doesn’t require zippers that can be swiftly removed.
The other day, while perusing the mall for clothes that accommodate these hot flashes, I was sidetracked by a charming young woman promoting Dead Sea salts. As she tended to my hand, she asked my age. “Forty-nine,” I replied. In her thick accent, she exclaimed, “You look quite good!” I blushed, which instantly triggered a hot flash. “What will I look like when the hydration from sweat runs dry?” I wondered. “Do your magical salts help shed excess pounds too?” I thanked her and walked away, opting for pants in a larger size and lightweight, breathable fabrics that offer comfort.
As I shopped, I found myself reflecting on life. When you’re navigating change, it’s natural to ponder. My children used to adore a song titled “100 Years” by Five for Fighting, with its refrain, “You only got a hundred years to live.” While most of us may not reach that milestone, I feel I’m at a midpoint—a transition in seasons.
I met my partner at 19, just as I was nearing the end of my life’s “spring”—the phase filled with childhood, education, joy, and exploration. At 29, in the early “summer” of life, I welcomed my first child. By 39, still in that vibrant season, I re-entered the workforce, busy with the demands of raising kids and building a career—full of energy and ambition.
Now at 49, I’ve entered a new phase. The days of nurturing my family are waning, with two of my three kids off to college and the youngest soon to follow. The prospect of not having another baby brings a bittersweet sting, even if I expected it. The finality of it all is a tough pill to swallow.
But hey, according to that lady at the mall, I look “pretty good.” When I shake off the cloud of despair that sometimes accompanies the hot flashes, I remember my own mother-in-law at 49. In the years that followed, she earned an advanced degree, formed new friendships, and explored the world. She celebrated her 79th birthday recently, always looking forward to the next chapter. I aspire to do the same as I stand on the brink of my own “autumn.”
Autumn has always been my favorite season—rich with golden hues and an abundance of the good things cultivated in spring and summer. The air is crisp, the skies bright, and even though the days shorten, the nights become cozy and peaceful.
I eagerly anticipate what the years of 59 and 69 will bring. After all, “There’s never a wish better than this when you only got a hundred years to live.” As for the sweats? Let’s just call that an Indian summer.
For those interested in exploring pregnancy and home insemination options, check out this excellent resource on treating infertility from ACOG, or consider the insightful posts on home insemination kits like the Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo and the Babymaker At-Home Insemination Kit.
Summary:
This article reflects on the transition into menopause and the various changes that accompany it, both physically and emotionally. It discusses the stages of life, from youth to the middle years, while embracing the richness of experiences that come with aging. The author shares personal anecdotes, highlighting the bittersweet nature of change while looking forward to the future with optimism.
Keyphrase: Embracing Menopause
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]