When my teenagers first got their hands on their phones, they took them everywhere—literally. Whether we were in stores or dining out, I quickly realized they needed some guidance on phone etiquette. I can’t forget the moment my son decided to chat with his friend on speaker while ordering a triple cheeseburger. And there was that time my daughter blasted cat-dancing videos at full volume in the grocery store.
From a distance, it might have seemed like they were inconsiderate teenagers, oblivious to the impact of their actions. The truth is, they just didn’t know better. I hadn’t taught them that those dining nearby likely didn’t want to hear about math class through a speakerphone or that it’s rude to engage one person while ordering food for another.
Speaking of manners, you may have come across a viral post about a group of teens who were thrilled about their first dining experience before a homecoming dance, only to leave an embarrassingly small tip. Later, realizing their mistake, they returned to the restaurant to rectify the situation by leaving a proper tip along with a note explaining their actions. “We’re sorry for the mistake,” they wrote, acknowledging that their 13-year-old minds simply didn’t grasp how tipping works. They ended up leaving $3.28 on the table, which was their total cash.
These kids didn’t have to come back and make amends, nor did they need to write that note. But they did, serving as a reminder that they weren’t just thoughtless teens, even if they appeared that way initially.
We often forget that teenagers are still essentially kids. They make mistakes, act impulsively, and sometimes remain unaware of social norms. Instead of harshly criticizing them for their errors, a little patience can be invaluable. Their brains are still developing, and they won’t fully mature until they reach their mid-twenties.
Consider the time my son accidentally hopped into the express lane at Target with 35 items. He was so focused on using his debit card correctly that he overlooked the sign. Thankfully, the cashier gently informed him of his mistake instead of being rude. His embarrassment was palpable, and you can bet he won’t make that mistake again. I do hope the man behind him, who scolded him, feels some guilt for his harshness.
Honestly, how can we expect our teenagers to be kind and patient if we are quick to judge and leap to conclusions? As adults, it’s easy to forget just how much our teens are evolving—not just in public etiquette but also in navigating complex relationships and situations. As they learn about the world around them, we need to step back and focus more on teaching rather than reprimanding when they stumble.
I admit that I struggle with this with my own three teenagers. Just last summer, I hurried home to pick up my daughter and her friends for a local fair. I returned, breathless and laden with groceries, only to find her lounging on the sofa, refusing to help. “Let’s go, or we’ll be late!” I urged, but instead of a response, I got a door slammed in my face.
Hours later, I learned that my daughter and her friends had experienced a falling out. Instead of resolving their issues, they retreated into their respective corners, leaving her unsure of how to proceed. I wasn’t as patient as I should have been, expecting them to know how to act by now. I had thought I had equipped them well, instilling values like holding doors open and standing up for themselves. But the reality is different.
I had assumed that by their teenage years, my patience wouldn’t be so tested. Yet, here we are. We often presume they know the basics, like how much to tip or how to manage a task, but they are still learning and adapting to new experiences. They face immense peer pressure and feel shame when they don’t know how to handle situations correctly. It takes courage for them to correct their mistakes—much like it does for us adults.
They need the space to navigate their challenges, and a bit of kindness in our approach works wonders compared to assuming they’re acting out on purpose. When we offer them grace and understand that they might not know the right way to handle something, it can change everything.
There are times when I see my kids handling situations in ways that frustrate me, simply because they differ from my approach. Patience is essential. It’s not about condoning bad behavior but rather finding constructive ways to guide them.
Teens can get caught up in the moment, losing sight of others’ feelings or plans due to their intense focus on their own experiences. Just as we appreciate empathy and compassion when we err, our teenagers deserve the same understanding. We must remember that they might not always know how to ask for it.
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In conclusion, it’s crucial to recognize that teenagers are still learning and evolving. A little patience and understanding can go a long way in guiding them through their formative years.
Keyphrase: Understanding Teen Behavior
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