By: Jennifer Blake
Updated: May 17, 2023
Originally Published: May 17, 2023
Recently, I shared a delightful photo of my children indulging in ice cream sandwiches after dinner, captioned with a reflection on my past struggles with food. I recalled how, years ago, I would spend nearly an hour in the grocery store’s ice cream aisle, opening and closing every freezer door, scrutinizing nutrition labels in a frenzy. Too many calories here, too much sugar there—I would inevitably leave with the lowest fat, lowest calorie ice cream alternative, all while battling an overwhelming wave of anxiety due to my eating disorder.
Once the ice cream made its way to my freezer, it became a source of torment. I felt an urge to either throw it away or consume it all in one sitting, followed by purging. What I truly longed for was the freedom to enjoy ice cream as just ice cream, devoid of the mental turmoil associated with my disorder.
Fast forward seven years, and my grocery trips are now a breeze. I zip through the aisles, tossing essentials into my cart: avocados, black beans, chips, and yes, ice cream sandwiches, which I happily added upon seeing them. I hurried to the checkout, eager to return home before it was time to pick up the kids.
Many parents I encounter choose to limit sweets or eliminate them from their homes entirely. I firmly believe that exposing our children to a variety of foods and refraining from labeling them as “good” or “bad” is crucial. Food is simply food; it holds no moral value. When we restrict certain foods, we inadvertently create a hierarchy that can lead to guilt and shame surrounding those items. It’s essential for our children to see us enjoying a diverse range of foods. Tonight, my kids relished those ice cream sandwiches, and I will never take a moment of my recovery for granted, especially the ability to share it with them. I am profoundly grateful for the freedom recovery has brought me, both inside and outside the grocery store.
The post garnered considerable attention on social media, eliciting numerous affirmations and stories from women in recovery sharing their own experiences with ice cream. However, I anticipated that someone would challenge my “All Foods Fit” philosophy.
“I disagree in one respect. Junk food is junk. Chemical-filled and unhealthy. Once in a while, a Twinkie is fine, but kids should learn about healthy foods.”
“Moderation is essential. As long as my daughter eats balanced meals covering most food groups, I don’t mind sharing my ice cream with her. She loves fruits and veggies, often preferring fresh strawberries over processed sweets. The key takeaway I want for her is to try new foods when offered, even if it means her meals differ from mine and my partner’s.”
I initially started to respond but soon realized my thoughts warranted a more extensive reply.
So here goes:
Thank you all for your insights. I understand your concerns about moderation and the labeling of food as “junk,” as these messages are prevalent in society and echoed by many so-called “experts.”
“Don’t eat junk! Childhood obesity is skyrocketing! Limit processed sugars! Moderation is KEY!”
I hear the “Moderation is key” mantra often, and I wholeheartedly agree. Is it healthy to consume ice cream and pizza every day? Absolutely not. Conversely, is it wise to eat kale and apples exclusively? No, it’s not. So yes, moderation is indeed vital.
I often feel uneasy when people refer to food as “chemical-filled.” My discomfort stems not only from my history with eating disorders but also from my daughter’s battle with cancer. Two years ago, when my daughter was hospitalized due to neuroblastoma, I posted a photo of her with cupcakes that my lovely friends had sent. I was taken aback when I received an anonymous email advising me to keep sugar away from her.
First of all, my daughter was eight months old and had just spent a week in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. She wasn’t even close to starting solid food! Secondly, the notion that sugar causes cancer is misleading. I realize I might be opening a controversial topic, but when my daughter was diagnosed at seven months, she had only ever consumed breast milk. Cancer sometimes occurs without a clear cause. Sure, smoking is linked to cancer, but there’s minimal evidence connecting sugar or processed foods to it.
I have relentlessly questioned everyone on our oncology team about what caused Marjorie’s cancer and how to prevent it for my son. Unfortunately, there’s little that can be done. Cancer can strike anyone.
Once, Marjorie’s oncology nurse shared a compelling story about two children in the ward, both diagnosed with the same cancer. One child came from a family that strictly adhered to a vegetarian and organic diet, while the other came from a lower socioeconomic background and consumed a lot of fast food. Both faced the same diagnosis despite their starkly different lifestyles. The reality is that we can’t shield our children from cancer.
Again, while it’s not advisable to indulge in processed foods and excessive sugar daily, the principle of moderation remains. Kale and cupcakes can coexist—yes, even kale and the “chemicals” found in ice cream sandwiches. Personally, I do opt for organic meats and dairy, but non-organic bananas and cookies also find a home in my pantry.
Ultimately, we cannot deny our bodies what they crave. After a long summer day, who doesn’t yearn for an ice cream sandwich? I’ve yet to meet someone who craved frozen kale after a hot day at the beach!
Food is food. While some items are more nutrient-dense than others, it’s critical not to create hierarchies among them. Restricting certain foods only amplifies the desire for them. When we learn to truly listen to our bodies, they will guide us in our choices. Sometimes, we might crave leafy greens, while other times, our bodies may signal a need for a juicy burger to boost our iron levels.
My children may be young, but they grasp the concept that food is simply food. There are days when my son opts for bananas over cake and vice versa. The truth is, we are born with an innate hunger/fullness system that often gets distorted through diets or food restrictions. We unknowingly pass that guilt onto our children. In our effort to promote health, we often restrict sweets, leading children to feel ashamed about indulging. Imagine if we casually drove through McDonald’s with them—it could reshape their relationship with food.
During a recent parent presentation with Mary, an exceptional nutritionist, a mother questioned the “All Foods Fit” philosophy. She feared that if her daughter could eat anything, she would choose McDonald’s daily.
“Let her,” I advised.
“She will harm herself with that!” the mother exclaimed.
“No, she won’t. I assure you,” I replied. “She will tire of it. It will lose its allure, and she won’t crave it endlessly.”
Mary shared a chilling story:
“I once worked with a patient battling binge-eating disorder, whose father was a cardiologist. She grew up in a household that stigmatized food, particularly fast food. My aim was to normalize her relationship with food and eliminate the shame associated with it. As part of her therapy, we drove to McDonald’s. Fast food was something she had previously sneaked and consumed in secret. I wanted to transform that experience into something normal for her. We ordered, parked, and enjoyed our meal mindfully. The more we deny, the more we desire.”
I’ve recounted that story countless times, and I truly hope to meet that brave patient one day—she not only changed her life but likely influenced her family’s perspective as well.
I understand that the idea of stocking a variety of foods or even casually visiting McDonald’s may seem outrageous, but I challenge you to try it. You might just surprise yourself. I once thought having ice cream at home was unthinkable, yet today, my freezer holds ice cream, candy, cookies, bananas, kale, chips, cheese, apples—you name it. And guess what? I no longer obsess over what’s in my pantry or freezer unless I’m preparing a grocery list.
My motivation for recovery was not just to be a mother, but a mother who leads by example. I wanted to be a mom who could enjoy ice cream, kale, and everything in between. I am proud to say that I am that mom today. Admittedly, I may be fumbling through motherhood in numerous ways, but I consciously strive to embody positivity and authenticity every day.
My hope is not just to raise healthy kids but kind ones who embrace life fully, who may not even remember there are cookies in the house unless their bellies prompt them to seek one. I want my children to listen to their bodies. They should move when they feel energetic and eat when hungry, stopping when they’re full. If they overindulge, they’ll learn to adjust next time. Food isn’t the center of our lives; while it’s important, our daily focus is on love and living—playing outside, building towers, chasing lizards, and dealing with tantrums!
Ultimately, raising healthy kids is less important to me than raising kids who love themselves. If we genuinely love ourselves, we will honor our bodies, nourishing, moving, and resting them as needed. When we embrace self-love, we naturally care for our well-being in every aspect: mind, body, and spirit.
So go ahead—enjoy the McDonald’s, the kale smoothies, the daffodil sprouts, and yes, even the “chemicals.”
This article was originally published on May 17, 2023.
Summary:
The author reflects on their journey from struggling with food anxiety and eating disorders to embracing a balanced approach to food for their children. They emphasize the importance of not labeling foods as “good” or “bad” and encourage a healthy relationship with all types of food. By allowing children to experience a variety of foods without shame, they aim to foster self-love and mindful eating habits.