By: Lila Torres
Updated: Dec. 13, 2019
Originally Published: Oct. 11, 2019
Every time I come across an article emphasizing the importance of taking a vacation with girlfriends, I can’t help but feel a twinge of annoyance. While the idea sounds wonderful, for many of us, stepping away from family responsibilities is nearly impossible.
Of course, we desire that time away, and we probably need it for various reasons. Yet, that doesn’t mean it’s feasible. When someone casually suggests, “Just take the girls’ trip!” it often ends up making those of us who can’t feel even worse. We are all too aware of what we’re missing out on, but it isn’t as easy as packing a bag and leaving.
As a single mother with limited support, organizing such a trip is challenging. Sure, I co-parent with my child’s father, which gives me some luck, but coordinating schedules is a real headache. With designated days for him to spend time with our son, any changes require a lot of effort. Navigating someone else’s timeline adds another layer of stress, making the prospect of a girls’ getaway feel overwhelming.
Planned well in advance, a girls’ trip demands expert-level organization. If I need childcare, I have to start arranging things months ahead of time. Spontaneity is a luxury I can’t afford. If my ex has any conflicts, I need to give him ample notice to sort things out, or find a friend to fill in. All of this contributes to the stress, making it hard to enjoy the thought of a getaway.
I’ve managed to go on a single girls’ trip since becoming a mom. Just one. We began planning it several months beforehand, thinking that would make things easier. Four months prior, I informed my ex of the dates and told him he needed to be available. Predictably, he didn’t adjust his plans accordingly, forcing me to scramble. Despite all the advance planning, I still found myself rushing around, which completely undermined the idea of a relaxed trip. While I had a fantastic time, the stress of planning was daunting enough to make me hesitant about trying again.
On top of the planning chaos, the cost is a genuine nightmare. Girls’ trips are rarely inexpensive. With friends scattered across the country, compromising on a location becomes tricky. Living on the West Coast often means I end up traveling the farthest. If we choose a destination closer to them, I’m usually the one facing higher travel expenses.
Flights can cost hundreds of dollars, especially for a quick trip. Even if I yearn to reconnect with friends, I have to consider the financial implications. With a tight budget, I constantly find myself rearranging finances or hoping for a price drop (which rarely happens). And let’s not forget accommodation costs, which can easily add a few hundred more to the total.
Truthfully, as much as I cherish my friends, there are better uses for that extra cash.
Taking a girls’ trip is tough for many of my friends too. We don’t have much disposable income, and even if we can manage the trip, there are still additional costs. Getting around, meals, and entertainment add up quickly. By the time everything is factored in, a simple getaway could run close to a thousand dollars. That’s a significant amount just to spend a couple of days catching up with friends.
I would love to escape for a few days with my best friends and unwind. The thought of having uninterrupted conversations, lounging in sweats, sipping coffee, and indulging in snacks sounds heavenly. But the stress of making that happen outside my usual surroundings is daunting.
The studies advocating for girls’ trips and those who have the luxury to enjoy them overlook a crucial aspect: the privilege of having both time and financial means. I’ve seen countless friends sharing snapshots of their girls’ weekends, and while I’m happy for them, it stings because I wish I could do the same.
For over a year, I’ve been trying to coordinate a trip with friends, but planning often stalls because it’s simply too complicated. Between kids and varying schedules, finding a suitable time is a challenge. Trying to select a location that doesn’t burden one person with excessive travel costs is nearly impossible, especially since we’re all strapped for cash.
Girls’ trips can be wonderful if you have the means to take one. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to join in again. Until then, if you’re ever up for hanging out and munching on chips and salsa in your sweats at my place, I’m game. I might even manage a kid-free evening sometime soon.