“Focus on the elbow! Focus on the elbow!”
From the adjacent room, I heard my daughter, Emma, enthusiastically instructing her older brother, Alex, who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Intrigued, I peeked in to see what was happening. Emma was guiding Alex through the intricacies of a high-five, telling him, “You need to use your other hand, and aim for my elbow.” The result? A flawless high-five that made me smile.
Is there a better teacher for a child on the spectrum than a sibling? Would a professional have thought to simplify this social interaction in such a relatable way? Alex is fortunate to have two siblings, Emma and Jack, who offer him near-constant companionship and support.
Now, I’m not suggesting that Alex’s relationship with his siblings is a constant parade of joy. Like any siblings, they have their share of bickering, teasing, and the occasional eye-rolling. But there’s something beautifully “normal” about their interactions—a rarity for kids with ASD when it comes to relationships.
What Alex needs most is the chance to practice socializing with peers in a natural setting, all while having a safety net. That’s where his siblings come in.
Children with ASD often attract a lot of attention from adults—parents, teachers, and therapists who aim to guide them. Yet, Alex, like many kids on the spectrum, finds it much easier to interact with grown-ups than with his peers. Adults tend to accommodate his quirks and overlook his social missteps, but friendships require a different level of understanding and acceptance.
Unfortunately, adults are not the best at teaching social skills. Alex has participated in various social skills groups, where he received countless tips on navigating interactions at school or during playtime. While these sessions can be helpful, the skills often remain confined to that controlled environment. In real-life situations, Alex feels more anxious, and other children can be unpredictable. What he needs is practice engaging with peers, but in a comforting environment. And that’s where his siblings shine.
Siblings possess a unique ability to communicate honestly. When Alex was stuck on a phase of humor that revolved around bodily functions, the adults in his life tended to ignore it, hoping it would pass. But Jack, his younger brother, bluntly told him, “Dude, nobody does that in high school. It’s super cringey.” Kids with ASD often take things literally, and the straightforwardness of siblings is invaluable.
Moreover, siblings provide a crucial sense of acceptance. Even though Alex is high-functioning and attends classes with neurotypical peers, he still feels like the odd one out at school. He often finds himself on the fringes, largely unnoticed. However, at home, Emma’s playful approach—jumping on his legs while he sits cross-legged, for instance—validates his worthiness of connection and fun.
Siblings also serve as cultural translators. Emma and Jack navigate the nuances of social interactions better than many adults. Just the other night, I watched as they gathered around Alex’s phone, crafting a group text. Emma was guiding him, saying, “This is how you should ask that without sounding awkward.” Jack, with a circle of friends, also shares the latest happenings that Alex might otherwise miss.
Spending time together, even in silence, is valuable. Kids like Alex often prefer their own activities, which does not mean they are loners. They still thrive on social interaction, albeit in their own way. Siblings allow Alex to be in the company of others while still enjoying his independence. Whether it’s hanging out in their rooms or sharing a meal with friends, Alex is intrinsically part of a social group.
For parents of neurodiverse children, the future can feel like an uncharted territory. While we may know several kids on the spectrum, seeing adults with ASD successfully navigate life is less common. I often wonder what Alex’s future holds.
Yet, I find comfort in knowing that Emma and Jack will be there to support him, even if it’s from a distance. They may not always get it right, and there will be moments of frustration—after all, they are siblings. But they will offer him love and the kind of straightforward acceptance that is crucial for navigating the complexities of social life.
Just like learning how to do a high-five.
For more on navigating parenting challenges, check out our guide on home insemination kits and explore resources like Cryobaby’s home insemination kits as well as this excellent article on intrauterine insemination.
Summary
The dynamic between siblings can provide invaluable support for children with ASD, enabling them to practice social skills in a safe and relatable environment. Through honest communication, acceptance, and shared experiences, siblings help bridge the gap between their neurodiverse brother or sister and the complexities of social interactions, offering guidance and companionship that is crucial for their development.
Keyphrase: sibling support for children with ASD
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