Today, while shopping at the grocery store, I had an unexpected encounter that led to a conversation about breastfeeding. The young man bagging our groceries, who looked to be around 17, engaged with me as my little one nestled in a carrier on my chest. He effortlessly chatted about his younger sisters, surprising me with his comfort discussing such topics at his age.
When the conversation shifted to the bottles I had just purchased, he gave me a knowing look and replied earnestly, “My mom breastfed all her kids for as long as possible.” At that moment, I found myself caught off guard. I was so focused on the strangeness of conversing about breastfeeding with a teenager that I didn’t recognize how his comment would resonate with me until much later. I doubted his intentions were judgmental, yet it made me ponder why he spoke so confidently about it.
This interaction marked the first time I grappled with the possibility that others might question my breastfeeding journey. My family, friends, and even my pediatrician had been incredibly supportive of my challenges, and I hadn’t fully considered that strangers might look at me and think, “Why do you say you ‘can’t’ breastfeed?”
Breastfeeding was never easy for us. From the outset, we faced numerous hurdles, including painful latching, lip and tongue ties, severe GER (gastroesophageal reflux), and a persistently low milk supply. For over three months, we sought help from lactation specialists and our healthcare team, drawing on resources from blogs and books, but we still couldn’t make it work. While many new moms face challenges, my experience became something I mourned deeply.
I had a genuine desire to breastfeed, believing in its health benefits and the unique bond it fosters. Yet, the societal and cultural pressures surrounding breastfeeding can overwhelm any mother, leading to painful feelings of shame and self-doubt when things don’t go as planned.
In my article on the various reasons some moms struggle with breastfeeding, I outlined that beyond the direct circumstances involving mother and baby, numerous external factors can impact breastfeeding success. These include the support system in place, timely interventions, and the involvement of experienced lactation consultants.
As I drove away from the grocery store, I took a moment to reflect: “Did you truly give it your all?” The answer was a resounding yes. I tried every option available, and if there were things I overlooked, I was unaware at the time.
You may not encounter a teenage grocery bagger discussing breastfeeding, but you will face critics, including your own inner voice. So, I want to remind you of something important:
- If you’ve done your best but still find yourself questioning your efforts,
- Or if you think you could have persevered longer,
- Or if you look back and realize support was lacking,
- Or if you consciously chose to prioritize your family’s or your mental health,
Trust yourself. You made the decision that was right for you and your circumstances. Letting go does not equate to giving up. The best path may look different from what you envisioned, and that’s perfectly acceptable.
It’s normal to feel sadness when you see phrases like “baby needs the boob” on clothing, to wonder if your baby is missing out on the so-called “gold standard,” or to watch another mother feed her baby with ease. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what you hoped for — it’s a loss that many don’t discuss but is still valid.
When you feel uneasy at questions like “Are you breastfeeding?” or face judgment for your choices,
When someone implies you quit too soon,
Or when a stranger gives you a puzzled look at the phrase “couldn’t breastfeed,”
Remember this: Shake off the doubt. No one understands your baby better than you. You carry an innate connection with her. You know her needs, even when they feel complex and overwhelming.
Ultimately, you did not fail. Not breastfeeding doesn’t diminish your worth as a mother. You are the perfect match for your baby, and whether you provide donor milk, pumped milk, or formula, your love is the true gold standard.
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Summary
This article reflects on the emotional journey of a mother who struggled with breastfeeding and the societal pressures surrounding it. It emphasizes the importance of self-trust and acknowledges the feelings of loss and grief that can accompany the experience of not being able to breastfeed. Ultimately, it reassures mothers that love is the most important element in nurturing their babies, regardless of how they are fed.
Keyphrase
breastfeeding struggles
Tags
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