By: Lila Thompson
Updated: Sep. 28, 2020
Originally Published: May 2, 2019
Let’s get real for a moment. Being a single mother is incredibly challenging. You often find yourself short on personal time, your children may not fully appreciate your efforts, and society doesn’t always show the respect that you deserve. It can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world alone. But there’s a certain beauty in this journey, too. When you’re the one making all the decisions, you have the freedom to shape your family’s life according to your own vision. Even on the toughest days, when I feel overwhelmed and just want to hide away, I cherish the independence that comes with being a single mom.
I’ve been navigating single motherhood since my son, Jake, was born. His father plays a significant role in his life, but he often steps back when it comes to the day-to-day decisions. I’ve taken charge of how Jake is raised, and while I would welcome more involvement from his dad, I am currently the one in control.
The Joys of Single Motherhood
One of the aspects I loved most early on was breastfeeding. I knew I wanted to nurse past Jake’s first birthday, and as long as he was interested, I wasn’t going to stop just because of societal norms. Even though Jake’s dad occasionally remarked on my extended nursing—like asking if I was going to wean him—I would simply reply, “Not yet!” He couldn’t say much since we didn’t live together.
Some joys of being a single mom might seem minor, but they mean the world to me. I have complete say over Jake’s wardrobe. Whenever his dad buys him clothes, they often miss the mark. For example, he once bought our four-year-old shoes with laces, despite knowing Jake couldn’t tie them. So now, those shoes are just gathering dust in the closet.
I also get to instill values that are important to me, which might not be as clear if we were living in a traditional family setting. As a queer woman, I want Jake to understand that love comes in many forms. By dating women openly, I’m normalizing diverse relationships for him, which is invaluable.
Another fantastic aspect of single motherhood is the spontaneity it offers. If Jake and I have been cooped up at home, I can decide on a whim to take him to Target or for a cupcake. There’s no need to check in with anyone else about our plans, and that freedom is exhilarating.
Being a Role Model
It’s essential for me to be a role model for Jake, showing him that strong, independent women can handle life’s challenges. I want him to see that women are capable and resilient. Even on days when I feel overwhelmed, he knows that his mom is doing everything for him, solo.
But perhaps the most heartwarming moments come when Jake wraps his arms around me and says, “I love you, Mom.” There’s something special about those hugs that make all the struggles worth it. Sure, he might express that love if his dad were more present, but I can’t help but feel a sense of pride in our bond.
The Challenges
Of course, there are days when the weight of single motherhood feels too heavy. I’m grateful for the support from Jake’s father, even if it sometimes falls short. Sometimes, I wish he would take a more active role in the daily responsibilities, allowing me to share the mental load.
In the end, what truly matters to me is the ability to make my own choices. Being a single mom empowers me, and that autonomy is incredibly valuable.
Resources for Aspiring Parents
For those interested in exploring different paths to parenthood, you can find more information about home insemination at this helpful resource. If you’re on a fertility journey, this guide provides great insights. Additionally, if you’re looking for information on IVF, this article is an excellent resource.
In summary, while being a single mother comes with its challenges, it also brings immense rewards. The independence, the ability to make decisions, and the love from my child are what make this journey worthwhile.
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