For the first several years of my parenting journey, I was a dedicated stay-at-home mom. While I did engage in part-time work as a breastfeeding counselor and lactation consultant mainly on weekends, it hardly offered a respite from my children’s demands. Although I cherished my role, it often felt like a relentless cycle of caring for cute but needy little ones.
Recently, I have transitioned into a freelance writing career from home. As my youngest child began school, I found myself spending more hours in my “office” (which is really just my bedroom) typing away. However, even this shift has not provided a true break from parenting. To thrive as a writer, I must treat my work seriously, dedicating time to research, maintaining communication with editors, and producing high-quality content. Yet, I now enjoy around 20 hours each week where I can retreat to a quiet space, free from distractions and fully immersed in my writing. It’s a refreshing escape.
Looking back, I realize how challenging those first years of motherhood truly were. Although being a stay-at-home mom was a dream I had embraced, the intensity and non-stop nature of it all took a toll on my well-being. The early years felt like a magnificent yet exhausting love affair, where my needs and my children’s were so intertwined that I often lost sight of myself.
During those years, I grappled with anxiety and occasional depression, feeling perpetually drained and overwhelmed. By the end of each day, I was utterly spent, my body weighed down by the demands of motherhood. It wasn’t merely the sleepless nights or the constant attention my kids required; it was also the sensory overload that left me feeling like I had lost my sense of self amidst the chaos of toddlerhood.
A few years ago, I discovered the research of Dr. Elaine Aron, who introduced the concept of the highly sensitive person (HSP). As I read about HSP traits, it felt like a light bulb illuminated my understanding of my own experiences. I realized that my tendency to be easily overwhelmed by sensory input and my need for solitude were characteristic of highly sensitive individuals.
Unsurprisingly, the constant hustle and bustle of parenthood can be overwhelming for someone like me. Early on, I understood that I wasn’t the type of parent who would fill our calendar with endless playdates and social gatherings. I prioritized quiet time during naps and after bedtime, using those moments to recharge rather than tackling chores or social outings.
While I managed to carve out pockets of self-care, I now recognize that my needs extend beyond fleeting moments of solitude. To maintain my mental equilibrium, I require several hours each day of uninterrupted alone time. This time is vital for processing, reflecting, and decompressing — something a 24/7 parenting role rarely allows.
Though I cherish the memories of my full-time mommy days, I see the importance of the balance I’ve created in my life today. I know that some mothers thrive in the continuous whirlwind of motherhood, and I respect that. However, I’ve learned to embrace my sensitivity as a strength rather than a flaw. My perceptiveness enhances my connection with my children, allowing me to attune to their needs, regardless of how often I am with them.
Even with my established balance, I still find moments where I need to step away from the chaos. I communicate this to my children by saying, “I just need some silence,” as I retreat to my room for a few minutes of meditation. They are beginning to understand that prioritizing one’s well-being is a strength, not a weakness.
Every mother faces unique challenges, and advocating for one’s needs can be difficult, especially during the demanding early years. However, neglecting your mental health can negatively affect both you and your children. Prioritizing self-care is one of the most significant things you can do as a parent. Recognizing what brings balance and happiness into your life is the first step toward ensuring a healthier environment for everyone.
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In summary, embracing your needs as a highly sensitive person can lead to a more fulfilling parenting experience. Taking time for yourself isn’t just beneficial for you; it’s essential for your children too.