You may have heard the age-old adage, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Growing up, I often heard this sentiment echoed by my mother and her friends. It resonated with me, as my mother had a supportive network surrounding her. While my parents were our main caregivers, they also relied on neighbors and friends for help when they needed it.
On my school emergency contact form, after my parents, our neighbors were listed. During outings, other parents would keep an eye on us and would comment on our behavior if we misstepped. It was a communal effort to ensure the safety and well-being of all children; parents would intervene if they saw kids misbehaving, whether it was warning them about slippery surfaces at the pool or stopping them from standing on picnic tables. Even as a child, I learned from my mother how to calm a crying baby in a supermarket or lend a hand to another mom juggling multiple tasks. We thrived in a community that actively supported one another.
Fast forward 30 years, and as a mother myself, I’ve come to realize that this sense of community seems to have vanished. Where has our village gone? Occasionally, an older woman might step in to assist when my child is crying or throwing a tantrum, but most people simply cast disapproving glances and walk away. It appears that many have forgotten the challenges of parenting in public or may be hesitant to get involved for fear of upsetting a parent.
I know I’m not alone in wishing for a little help when my child is having a meltdown in a store. It would be immensely appreciated if a stranger could distract my little one or even intervene when my child is engaging in dangerous behavior. I always keep a close watch on my children, but there are moments when chaos strikes—like when my other child falls or when my youngest reaches for something out of reach.
This topic has become a frequent discussion between my husband and me. I often feel frustrated by the judgmental stares I receive when my children misbehave, even slightly. Conversely, he has a different experience as a father; people tend to smile at him, impressed that he’s managing the kids alone. I’ve tried to convince myself that perhaps I’m just having a string of unfortunate encounters and that there must be someone out there willing to help. However, a month ago, I found myself in dire need of assistance, and no one stepped forward. I realized that when I’m out with my children without family or close friends, I am truly alone, and it’s rather frightening.
My youngest son is a bundle of energy, always on the move, and his climbing skills rival those of a monkey. Our local grocery store has adorable little carts for kids to push around, but they can also be a hassle. My older child handles the cart well, but the little one has mastered the art of unbuckling himself, which poses a risk when I’m distracted. As a result, I’ve opted to let him walk beside me.
On one of those busy days, we didn’t have time to drive to our usual store, so we decided to brave the mini-cart store. Things were going smoothly until, while checking out, my youngest darted off, zooming past several checkout lines and straight out the double doors into the parking lot. To my dismay, not a single person attempted to stop him. He ran by cashiers, customers waiting in line, and an employee collecting carts without anyone intervening. Thankfully, my older son instinctively jumped into action and chased after him. By the time I managed to disentangle myself from my cart, my older child was dragging his (screaming) brother back inside.
I looked around at the people who had witnessed the chaos and felt a deep disappointment. Where was the community? Why did no one help? If I saw a child running towards a parking lot, I would certainly try to intervene. Perhaps it’s the educator in me, but my instinct would always be to ensure a child’s safety. Yet, despite several adults being within arm’s reach, no one moved.
Many of you may be thinking, “Why didn’t she just hire a babysitter?” or “Why doesn’t she have better control of her children?” Let me assure you, I do my utmost to keep my children safe and well-behaved most of the time. But children can be unpredictable, and sometimes they are just too quick for their parents.
In the aftermath of this incident, I’ve pondered what has led to the decline of our community. We live in an era where people are apprehensive about offending one another. Many are glued to their phones, oblivious to their surroundings while others are consumed with their own concerns. The world feels more perilous than ever, even if the dangers remain unchanged; constant news coverage amplifies our fears. Life has indeed transformed.
Yet I urge you, if you witness a child in a dangerous situation, please don’t just stand by. Step in, even if it means risking a parent’s ire. It’s far better for a child to be safe. Let’s work together to restore that sense of community—because a village without its members can feel overwhelmingly lonely.
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Summary:
This article explores the decline of community support in parenting, reflecting on personal experiences that highlight the lack of intervention from bystanders during parenting challenges. It calls for a revival of communal parenting, encouraging individuals to step in and assist when they see a child in danger, emphasizing the importance of a supportive village in raising children.